Burn, FAC, burn.

Some of you may have seen this already but the utopian art fest society which is burning man has been toppled:

http://laughingsquid.com/burning-man-set-on-fire-early-arson-is-to-blame/




















Sadly nothing lasts forever, even the relatively good behavior of the burners.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! SOMEONE HAS TO GO AND RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE.
What this jack-monkey doesn't get is that burners will be further galvanized toward love and hope by this action, and even more people will be there next year.
I am sure fully half of the burners are like "What? what happened? I was totally dripping glow stick juice on my lobster car, what did I miss?!". This has no affect on them except to make for some fun rumors. Nice try saboteurs!

I must let you know I had a dream about being at Burning Man and it was super realistic. All I did was wander the desert looking for water and toilet paper. No, I know it is really fun and crazy and lots of people have a really great time. It is just not for me, as I am waaaaay more uptight than I pretend to be especially about washing my hands and not dying of dehydration.


One again a tangential rant about nothing gets in the way of my true purpose: FAC!!!!!!!!

I already know who is coming to FAC. I already know where we are going. So do you. If you are coming, you know it, and if you are then you know where it is. I won't bore the rest of you with the details. (Me, Luke?, Steven, AA @ Surfside 4:30ish -- you should join us!)
BUT YOU NEVER KNOW -- last week we ended up at Old Chicago! We could go anywhere! We are a bunch of wild and crazy guys (and gals). So show up for the complete randomness of it all.

I will bore you with some news of upcoming events:

No FAC for me on the 14th of September. I have to bartend. SOOOOOOOOOOOO if you want you can come to where I am bartending and have FAC with me as your surly bartender! How awesome is that!?

TRIVIA is still going on Friday at 8, at Choice City Shots!!!! I give away cool prizes and I am almost this funny in person! Come on down, bring your friends! Don't be afraid of the gay bar!
Check out a sample round from a couple weeks ago:

Hail to the Chief

1. Which of these US presidents was born in Texas? A) Dwight D Eisenhower B) George W Bush C) Ronald Reagan D) George H. W. Bush

The retreat known as Camp David is named after what 20th-century president’s grandson?

3. Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb?

What U.S. President was revealed to suffer hemorrhoids after Egyptian president Anwar Sadat mentioned them in a public plea for prayers?

5. Who is known as the “High Chief” of the Wu-Tang Clan? **“High Chief” is the alias of what Wu-Tang rapper?

6. "Hail to the Chief" is the official anthem of the President of the United States, the song accompanies the President at almost every public appearance. The U.S. Department of Defense it the official announcement music in 1954. What musical signifier of honor precedes this piece when played for the President?


That Sports round I promised you

1. Of the 41 Super Bowl games played to date, 36 of them have occurred in which month?

What tennis mogul was the Elton John song “Philadelphia Freedom” written for?

What famed baseball player had a bat known as Black Betsy, so called because of the countless splatters of tobacco juice?

Which of these professional sports leagues does NOT contain at least one Canadian team? A) MLB B) NHL C) NFL D) NBA

What is the official name of the mascot of the Cleveland Indians?

WFJF is the initial for the official organization for what obscure sport, played with two opponents standing face to face and grasping hands as if pointing and arm wrestling at the same time?
Kind of Science-y

1. Udden-Wentworth Scale is used by geologists to measure what?

2. Torino Impact Hazard Scale measures the risk of what natural disaster?

What part of the body is affected if you suffer from ‘bruxism’?

What is the only Great Lake that is NOT bordered by the stat of Michigan?

5. This fatal disease once found in Papua New Guinea is contracted from eating human brains – part of a native funereal ritual in which mourners would dismember and devour their newly deceased loved one.
6. In the 1970’s the traditional skull-and-crossbones poison symbol was replaced with a scowling, green character named what?

American-ia

Semper fidelis is the motto of which branch of the US military?

After only two months, what title was taken away from Suzette Charles in 1984?


Which of these comedians-turned-movie-stars was NOT born in Canada? A) Bill Murray B) Jim Carrey C) Mike Myers D) Dan Aykroyd
To save money for the war effort, Academy Award Oscar statuettes during WWII were made of what material?

Christopher Columbus captained which ship when he “discovered” American in 1492? A) Nina B) Pinta C) Santa Maria D) Mayflower

6. Baltimore’s historic Fort McHenry was constructed in what identifiable shape?
**Bonus question: What patriotic song was inspired by the flag flown above the fort in the war of 1812?


No More Kings

1. Bob Dylan wrote the song “It Ain’t Me Babe” for what folk singer?
2. Who was behind the wheel during the famous 1969 auto accident that killed Mary Jo Kopechne?
3. Who is the first character to die in Shakespeare's “Hamlet”?
4. In the movie The Queen starring Helen Mirren as Elizabeth II, it is said more than once that the position of being monarch of Great Britian killed her father. Who was her father?
5. What 17th century king is New York named after?
6. What play was being performed at London’s Globe Theatre when it burned down in 1613?

**Bonus: How many siblings does Heir Apparent to the Britsh crown Prince Charles have?** BONUS Bonus: Name them


Feel free to answer these and maybe I will give you a prize. Just remember that your stats may go down after two beers and without Google! LOL.
Yes I write or rephrase almost all these questions. A few are stolen verbatim from unnamed sources, but since I make NO MONEY from this I am okay with that.



Bear"Shut your mouth smartass" Bonney

Who likes FAC?!?!?!

I DO! I DO!

Come celebrate school starting, or lament it as you wish, at THE SURFSIDE!

Surprise!

Friday at 5:00 ish. Come for the cheapo drinks, stay for the foul odor.
I actually have not been there in awhile (Sunday), so it will be nostalgic for me!!

We can share stories of our first week at school, how glad we are the (K-12) kids are back and/or how lame it is that the college students are back. We will bet on if there will be riots at the border war game, and how many alcohol related deaths will occur during this school year. Also, someone will tell me about fantasy football.

UPCOMING FUN TIMES: Of course after FAC is trivia (run by me) at Choice City Shots!!!!!!!! Fun prizes and the winner for the night gets a $20 bar tab....invite your friends! Starts at 8:00! I am this funny in person too!
Also at Choice City Shots: Wednesday night POKER is BACK! Woo!
I do not play poker but WOO anyway! I know it is fun for some of you!

What has happened this week?

Well you may know this guy:























That's Bob Murray, owner of the Utah Crandall Canyon Mine. He called the families of miners "totally irrational" this morning on NPR. He also said "I have men here that have hundreds and hundreds of years of mining experience. They never saw this before. The mountain is alive, it's a deadly mountain. I'm not going near it." (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=13866983)

I am going to presume he means their collective experience. Here is the mountain:
















Looks pretty mellow, like most mountains. Not that the incident wasn't tragic, but they were digging into the mountain...and blowing up parts of it....and taking out the pillars of coal that were holding up the roof....
Now THIS mountain is ALIVE:


















That is a mountain you do not mess with. It will melt your face off. It eats Gollums for breakfast. And it is the only way to destroy that infernal ring.
Here is another image, with it's little eyeball tower friend...











Here are some images of a mountain on fire in California:












That is an effing scary mountain.

This one is pretty deadly, but again, if you left it alone it would be much less lethal:
















It has a part called the DEATH ZONE! DON"T CLIMB IT! It has claimed over 115 lives in the past century!

Death zone
Main article: Death zone
While conditions for any area classified as a death zone apply to Mount Everest (altitudes higher than 8,000 m), it is significantly more difficult for a climber to survive at the death zone on Mount Everest. Temperatures can dip to very low levels, resulting in frostbite of any body part exposed to the air. Because temperatures are so low, snow is well-frozen in certain areas and death by slipping and falling can also occur. High winds at these altitudes on Everest are also a potential threat to climbers. The atmospheric pressure at the top of Everest is about a third of sea level pressure, meaning there is about a third as much oxygen available to breathe as at sea level.[25]

To sum up, NATURE IS DANGEROUS. Do not expect to pillage Earth's resources without some repercussions. It is sad to lose a life but do NOT blame the mountain.

And happy brain cells create more branches, and they are called 'dendritic arbors'.




























The number of dendritic arbors (more = happier) is %40 more in MIDDLE CLASS people than in LOWER CLASS people. Whoa. Difference between upper and middle? Negligible. Money = Happiness to a certain extent.


Bear "Diamonds on the soles of my shoes" Bonney

FAC feat. Chuttle

Hey there FACers!

Recently there was a study that indicated a class division between MySpace and Facebook. Apparently since Facebook was just for college students originally all the Ivy League hopeful teens were quite eager to get on. Now that Facebook has opened up to all, those kids who are left on MySpace are the "lower classes". According to the study, reports of predators using MySpace to contact kids has also made parents leery. Hmm. As if no creepy-ass third year senior career student from Stanford could possibly prey on your 18 and younger kid on Facebook. And as if your 18 and younger kid isn't being preyed on by her or his peers already. Sheesh.

Anyway, go to LiveJournal. It is for smart people regardless of how rich their parents are. LOL.

Recently I had this request:
I do have two new "persons" for deletion. 123 - B***, Theo and
456 E******, Sausage Bob. We do and should have a prem for Bob E****** 0f 952 but should not have a person file of 456.

This guy was actually entered in a disease surveillance program as "Sausage Bob". I think nicknames should be mandatory for everyone. I also think it sucks that I only ever had nicknames from my parents and never from my friends. I guess I wasn't that cool. Or my friends weren't that cool. Anyway, my son started football and already half the kids have nicknames like "Noodle" and "Stripe" and "Uri Gobot" or something...
Once I tried to give myself a nickname, which never works because nicknames have to come about organically. Plus you will always choose some ridiculous thing for yourself, which is never how others see you.

Finally in HS I got a nickname. Of course I was in Knowledge Bowl, which is an extracurricular activity sometimes called Academic Team, and it is basically a TRIVIA game based on Jeopardy. You compete like Debate teams, with other teams in your state. Sadly my nickname reflected the face that I was a total freak with a penchant for wearing capes and carrying anachronistic accessories, while dabbling in Wicca and other occult teachings.

So as a reminder there will be no FAC this week in FC, so ya'll come down to Denver and see the show!

www.solidartcollective.com/divineintervention

There will be tons of art, performers, cool stuff!
$15 at the door
Show from 9 - 12 ish (they close at 2 like a bar I believe)
Oriental Theater
4335 W 44th Ave, Denver, CO
(303) 455-2124

Basically you can go WEST on 44th from Federal until you get to the theatre between Stuart and Tennyson on the N side of the street. From I-25 I believe it is the 38th exit, 38th to Federal, N on Federal to 44th, then W. From I-70 I think it is either Federal or Sheridan exit then W from Federal on 44th, East from Sheridan on 44th. PRETTY EASY!

My keyboard is filled with dirt and crumbs, and I was thinking about keyboards so here is some cool stuff I found:










































Aluminum keyboard for Macs:




















And some Cool Cakes --- here is the link: CAKE

Now go wash your keyboard!!! Let dry completely before plugging in!!!

Bear "The Cane Goddess" Bonney

FAC RIP?

Well, I know some people are having a hard week, and some people are going camping after work on Friday and some of us have to do the whole running trivia at 8:00 on Friday, and some of you never show up, but just get these emails to see what crazy crap I came up with this week!

So FAC may be RIP for awhile. I am real busy.

What is going on with me you ask?

First of all, in order to further my education so I can eventually not work for the gov't I am going back to school! Yay school!

I am taking some art classes and a PL/SQL class which is actually training for my current job.
I am taking a class in Illustrator, and I will never ever make crud like this:
















I am taking a painting class, because I am a good drawer but a lousy painter:



















Just kidding -- I did not paint that. BUT speaking of PAINTINGS -- Did I mention Divine Intervention and how you all should come down to Denver on the night of the 17th to see the awesome show and actually see a painting I made?

Here is why I have to leave the gov't:











Haha. No, in all seriousness I will work for the gov't forever because it pays so well but eventually I want to make more art in a year than I make trips to the break room. More art = happier Berri.


So to also make me happier -- PL/SQL!



















Guess what does not make me happy? Ants all over my book. WTF Oracle?

Ah, well, guess you have to remind the geeks that nature exists out there somewhere.


I must confess, the above is all lies. The only thing I will be doing for the next eleventy million hours is playing with my new toy:


















YES, I KNOW the rest of the world has had iPod since the day it came out but mine was waaaaay cheaper and it is just as awesome.

I am etching a skull and X-bones into the back as we speak. With my eyes.


What else? Oh here is what the inside of a Nano looks like:












There is a new bar coming!!! How could I forget. As soon as they open FAC will be at Black Oak Publooneraunt thingy -- it is in Old Towne where Connor O'Neill's was. My friend Heather L. is going to be a bartender there! Huzzah!

So I will be at Choice City Shots Friday at like 7 PM for my FAC and triviaganza! Feel free to join me there!

I will have this in my dream home, only problem is, when you are listening to thrash metal the paper comes out really fast!



















Bear "SeXXyKitteh19 is my name on the iPod fan boards, just kidding it is AcidGaze" Bonney

FAC of eight

Hello FAC-ers!

Well it is August. It has been a couple of weeks since the last FAC -- what have you all been up to? Some of you may be going (back) to school pretty soon. I sure will. I am taking a couple of classes in addition to one class which qualifies as a work training. Which means I get school credit and work credit! Woo!

Here is some trivia for you: Next year the second Tuesday of August will be 08/08/08. Pretty cool, maybe not as cool as the kid who turned 8 yrs old on 08/08/88, but still. We should find a kid that will be 8 on 08/08/08 and throw them the biggest dang party ever.

World's funniest joke, as voted on by people from , well, around the world:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The article:
http://www.newscientisttech.com/article/dn2876.html%20l

Really you should read this one, too:

http://www.newscientist.com/channel/being-human/mg19426031.700-a-quirky-look-at-our-quirky-species.html


Hmmm... where was I? Ah yes! FAC!

So, I know some people are tired of the Surfside. I am not -- nor will I be for like six years. BUT I do want to accommodate some other people in their love for other bars or for variety. I am sending this SURVEY out to YOU! PLEASE RESPOND if you give a flip at all about where we go for FAC, because if not it will default to Surfside until I get bored.

1) Do you want to go to a different bar than Surfside this week?

2) If yes to #1, which bar or bars?

3) Did your answer for #2 include any of the following: Washington's, Zydeco's, Hodi's or Suite 182?

4) If yes to #3 please change your answer for #2.

5) Does the bar you chose have food?

6) Does it have any really cool features such as free things, pool or bubble hockey, karaoke or the like (LIKE TRIVIA)? (Please list cool features)

7) Is it in Ft. Collins? (Please list the location)

8) Does the bar have strippers? ( Please list the stage names of the strippers) (not really) (really) (no) (yes) (...)

9) Is the bar open at 4:30ish?

10) If we go to the bar you chose will you show up to FAC?


Okay that wasn't too hard was it?

Here are some things that are difficult;

Words:

-- Vocab test...reply with your score for bragging rights!

Driving:














www.micom.net/oops/ -- for more funny than you can handle.


Bear "I meant to do that!" Bonney

FAIL -- I mean FAC

Well, it seems our society degrades further and further each day.

Insult of the year -- well, I am not sure I should even write it out, but here: d0uc#eb@g
Theme of the year: failure or more specifically FAIL
This theme is followed closely by DO NOT WANT and some other LOLCAT sayings such as OH NOES.

If this is confusing any of you, please feel free to ignore this all and dodge the internets for the next 10 years in an effort to avoid it. It will damage you for sure. Not as much as ratemypoo, but damage it will. (DO NOT go to ratemypoo at work, mmkay? vomit is hard to remove from cube walls.)

Okay, okay, I know that was totally unfair to bait y'all like that.

(But I dare you to google the words "rate my". HAHAHAHAH. God bless you internets!)

So for this weeks FAC we will explore some failure and some success!

Failure to thrive = Starlight (R.I.P)
If you all remember the Starlight and what a fun place it was when a lot of people I knew worked there, hooray! If you don't then you are not missing much, to tell the truth. The bathrooms were the WORST, yes worse than the Surfside, I kid you not. Some of you may know that the Starlight(lite?) is now called Hodi's Half Note, which is an idiotic name I think. BUT it turns out that on Fridays from 5 to 8 they have a happy hour of grand proportions -- 2.00 domestics, 2.00 local micros, and 2.50 wells, plus some sort of gross shot for only 3.00! Huzzah! Success!


After the deployment of BSE on VSLS I am sure there will be numerous more failures and hopefully some successes to report. Let's plan on getting to Hodi's around 5 ( I may be at the Surfside before then because I will reach my Tour of Duty no later then 10 am on Friday, so WHOO! short day for me) (HA HA.)

If anyone even knows what this costume is supposed to be, tell me:






























































































Bear "I was really hoping to get a mobile version of Vista on the iPhone" Bonney

ETA: HODI'S FAIL, they were not even open. I hate that place.

PatrioFAC

Hey everyone who is not on vacation right now!

I took the early part of the week off so I could drive to Wyoming and stock my arsenal with the most deadly fireworks known to human kind.
I am kidding. I never buy fireworks. One time a Black Cat exploded in my hand and it hurts to this day, as do all the long thin blisters I have from stepping on sparkler wires in my youth. Rememeber how they would melt to your skin? Oh the times. But even those I do not directly interact with are a menace. Little did I know that the fireworks would actually come to get me.
Casper had, on July 3rd, what they claimed was "the Nation's Largest Fireworks Finale" with the "largest, legal firework shell in the United States". Closer examination of the poorly written article tells us that it is actually the largest MINOR LEAGUE Fireworks Finale. And the mysterious "undisclosed location" where they staged the massive explosion was less than a home run from a crowded playground and 100 yards from both a bike path and another ball field.

http://web.minorleaguebaseball.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20070630&content_id=268301&vkey=pr_t539&fext=.jsp&sid=t539

The biggest problem was that the "largest, legal firework shell in the United States" did not rise the anticipated "1200 to 1500 feet in the sky." Not even close. I would be surprised if it hit the 300 foot mark before it wholloped the eyes and ears of adults, ball players, children, and area skunks with it's atomic blast. Seriously, it barely cleared the treeline and I am sure the spread of 150 feet was not reached due to interference by LAND. If I am stumbling it is because I am still healing from the retinal burns. No, this glow was not caused by a sunburn, I was scorched by patriotism gone awry.

Actually it was the first firework explosion that scared the stink out of the skunk, but I am sure he tried to drown himself in the North Platte after the Grande Finale.

So, FAC for all of you who wish to participate!

Well I am attempting to make my mark as a Master Quizmaster, so I am limited in time. SURFSIDE IT IS again!
Yay for Surfside! Yay for free internets! Yay for cheap!
I wanted to go to the Lyric Cinema Cafe for a delicious beer and a movie, but the movie I want to see starts at 3:00 or 8:30 -- bummer.
But I highly encourage all of you who do not aspire to trivia legend to go to this movie on Friday at 8:30!



















Movie site:

http://www.chalkthefilm.com/

Lyric Cinema Cafe:

http://www.lyriccinemacafe.com/

Fireworks over Goat Island which divides NIAGARA FALLS in two:
















Fireworks behind the National Phallus:































Just don't:


















Tell on your neighbor. If the cops don't come, perhaps mention they may be illegal immigrants...




















Even today they haunt me...




















I called them "the Devil's whiskers":






































These are way more my speed:















Hooray! Independence Day! Don't blow your hands off!

Bear "OOOOH. AAAHH. Neat. Pretty." Bonney

FAC-tas-TICK!

Wow can you believe it is almost Independence Day!?
Here is summer safety advice:

TICK WARNING!
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it
myself a couple times unintentionally. ..but this one is real, and it's
important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.
If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks
due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance
around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!!

They only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid


Times flies when you are having this much fun. Lately, as I am sure you all know, I have been spending a lot of my free time playing trivia. Well the constant winning has really worn me out so I thought I would switch gears and actually HOST the trivia!

So for this FAC we will be going to Pueblo Viejo (SW corner of College and LaPorte in Old Town) for the pre-quiz sustenance. They are no Rio, but they have good, reasonably priced food, and some pretty decent margs. PV at 4:30ish, then post-prandial play will commence at Choice City Shots (124 LaPorte) at 8PM! I will be hosting the trivia along with a good friend of mine, so you will not have to compete with my eerily clever brain. Prizes include free drinks, tshirts, and other things! Plus bragging rights!

You will never beat this guy, but he will not be at our quiz.















Craptastical picture of the Legion Of Doom winning at Coopersmith's -- note the belt!















I have no idea what this is about but I love a fat kitteh.
















Bear "That is *not* a mole!" Bonney

You can't touch this FAC

A middle school in Fairfax County, Virginia has banned touching. Any touching. Now I could go the rest of my life without seeing two 13 yr old kids sucking face around their braces, but how will they play football? No wrestling? Even basketball? I guess those sports are usually found in higher grades, but really? No high fives? No bonding expressed through ass-patting after a great job on the field of competition? No putting those little braids in each other's hair? NO HAND CLAPPING GAMES!? What if you accidentally touch skin to skin passing a baton in a relay race? Disqualified?

This is why I want to be a Libertarian. Too many rules and laws are made in haste and leave common sense and responsibility out of the picture. The truth is the school is horribly over crowded. Read a study on crowding and the affect it has on the human psyche. Of course they are getting in a lot of fights -- they are like too many chickens in a hot henhouse, pecking each others feathers out of sheer frustration. Actually I guess it is a good solution, because the more crowded it gets, the more likely they will touch, the more will get suspended, the fewer are in the halls and classrooms. Yeah, right.

Anyway, FAC is going to be a good one!
I cannot guarantee whether you will or will not be touched. I can guarantee a cold beer, some trivia, and pool, darts, and air hockey.
We are going to Sliders!
This week we are going to the far back room in the hope that it will be empty and we can take over all the good games. If you can't find us just ask where the air hockey is....

4:30 ish this Friday, and in honor of no-touch we will be looking at the detritus of the humans collected for us by Davy Rothbart in his splendid magazine called "FOUND". We will also be viewing "Dirty FOUND", a testament to how much people like to be touched, looked at, or at least talked to.

Wikipedia's disambiguation of "touch":

Somatosensory system, for the various sensory receptors that trigger the experiences labelled as touch or pressure
Haptics, for the study of human touching behaviour

Touch (60s band), a rock group
Touch (band), a 70s rock band
Touch (album), a 1983 album by New Wave duo Eurythmics
Touch (1987 album), a 1987 album by Laura Branigan
Touch (Sarah McLachlan album), the 1988 debut album of Sarah McLachlan
Touch (song), a single by Canadian rock band The Tea Party
Touch (Amerie album), a 2005 album by R&B singer Amerie
Touch (Amerie song), a 2005 single by R&B singer Amerie
Touch (Omarion song), a song by singer Omarion
Touch (Supremes album), a 1971 album by Motown group The Supremes
Touch Music or Touch Records, an electronic music record label, the main branch of the Touch company (UK)
Touch FM, a group of commercial radio stations in the UK
Touch (Noiseworks album), a 1988 album by Australian hard rock band Noiseworks
Touch (Mike Anthony song), a song heard from Noah's Arc

In fiction:
Touch (manga), a 1980s Japanese manga and anime series
Touch (novel), a 1987 novel by Elmore Leonard
Touch (film), a film by Paul Schrader, after the novel by Elmore Leonard
In sports:
Touch-line, the line on either side of the playing area of some football games
Touch (rugby), the area outside the 2 touch-lines in rugby
Touch judge, an official who monitors the touch-line in a game of Rugby football
Touch football (rugby league), commonly known as "touch"

Other:
touch (Unix), a classic computer program on Unix and Unix-like operating systems
The Touch River, a river of southwestern France that flows into the Garonne River

Bear" Keep your laws off my haptics" Bonney

Techno Claim post

Technorati Profile

An average day at the end of the world....

It wasn’t as humid this morning, and that I was thankful for because the stench of the sewer treatment plant was much stronger than usual. After a frantic search for Bridget’s keys she left, and I got in the shower. I was so tired and I stood under the water much longer than usual and realized in a jolt I was going to be late.

I scrambled around, got the dogs settled, and checked on the kid (fast asleep like 13 yr old boys often are) before blazing out the door. I lit up a Camel immediately and thought how glad I would be when we finally moved farther than two blocks from the “poop factory” as my friend Sascha called it.

Work was “same shit, different day” for the morning. There was a strong smell of air freshener on my floor, like that orange scented crap. It was making my nose itch and tingle worse than the ‘poo gas’. I cannot stand how sneezy I am at work!

About half the people who were supposed to show up for the morning meeting were gone. Poorly attended meetings are typical the later it gets in the week, and overlapping projects have caused a lot of fractured collaborations. It was all I could do to stay awake.

I sat in the first floor break room at lunch time waiting for Stella, who went to McDonald’s to pick up her lunch. I was heating my frozen burrito a big security guard was using the other microwave for something foul smelling. His walkie-talkie barked something about a “*skkktch* with a backpack *skkktch* on his way” and he walked quickly toward the lobby.

I saw him through the floor to ceiling windows that are ½ of the break room. He strode to the parking lot and intercepted a kid on a bicycle wearing a back pack. He was checking the kid’s id, talking to him, it all seemed pretty calm. The Homeland Security Explorer rolled up way too fast, and the officer hopped out. Security deferred to him and walked back toward the building, while the officer searched the boy’s bag.

As I am texting this item to everyone I know, I am thinking to myself “How typically over reactive of them. Some kid bikes through the lot and they freak?” Security guard returns.

“So what is up with that kid?” I ask lightly.

“He was taking pictures of the building. We just wanted to talk to him about why he was doing that. He has a college id; just some college kid.” He shrugged and got his food out of the microwave.

I pondered this as I ate, thinking how funny it is that taking pictures of a building can be construed as an act of hostility toward the Federal Government. Stella does not show up, so I assume she is running errands and go back to my desk.

I go out to smoke sometime later. I see Stella walking over the railroad tracks from the natural foods store. Wow, I think to myself, much better choice than drive-through fast food. She stumbles and I chuckle to myself, thinking up witty comments to rib her with.

I notice a guy walking toward her down the center of the tracks. He is having a hard time of it, but looks too clean to be a homeless drunk. Pretty stupid, too, walking down the middle of the tracks. Guess that expensive fence the city built to keep people off the track really paid off.

Stella stops to look at him and makes a very strange gesture, almost flopping her arm at him. I notice that her sleeve looks torn. I start to get concerned and walk toward them. Is this guy following her? Did he hurt her?

The drunk-acting dude lifts his head to look at her and then pivots his head to look at me. He is wearing some sort of weird glasses or something…..no, both his eyes are blackened, like perfect skull makeup. What the hell is happening here? She turns toward me too and she has a big gash on one side of her face, it is all I can see because of her hair flopped over the other side. I begin to run toward her, calling out.

“Get the fuck away from her you asshole! Stella, what the hell happened?”

As I get closer I see that her clothes are quite disheveled.

“Who did this? Were you raped? Let’s go inside, I am calling the cops.”

I dial 911 on my cell phone. I get nothing but a rapid beeping. I dial again, it begins to ring through. Stella is stumbling down the railroad burm to me. I walk forward to help her, and the phone just rings and rings. The drunk guy is coming down the bank, too, and his legs seem made of jelly.

“Are you deaf, douchebag? Get the fuck out of here!”

“911, what’s the nature of your emergency?” The male voice sounds tight and haggard.

“I think my friend was raped, send someone over here, the guy is still here and won’t quit following us!”

“Can I get your location, please?”

“We are on the railroad tracks behind the Hummingbird Plaza! Oh my god she is hurt really bad!”

At this moment Stella is very close to me, about two arms lengths away – I can see now that her injury is much worse than I thought, in fact I am retching and thinking “How can she be alive?” at the same time. Weird thoughts race through my head, about those mothers who lift cars off their children, and people who survived being lost in the desert, and about PCP making people immune to pain and how hard it is to kill a bear and…

She grabs my arm, pulling it toward her, to her face and I wrench away, squealing, “I know honey, I know you are hurt but I shouldn’t touch it, help is coming!” I realize I have lost my cell phone and I am struggling to get out of her strong grip, her finger skin feels as if it is sliding over her bones, and she smells so bad, reeks like the poo gas and the orange spray mixed together, and suddenly the drunk guy is there.

She whips her arm out at him, and her attention on me slacks enough for me to pull away. I scramble up the burm, not looking back, running when I hit the asphalt, running to the building, what the hell is up where are those Homeland Security guys NOW!?

FAC nostalgia

HEEEEEEEEEEYYYY YOOOOOUUUUUUU GUUUUUYYYYYYYSSS!


Remember that? It was almost a "Where's the beef?" caliber catch -phrase.


Well I am sending out the call early to warn/alert/notify all of you that I will NOT be at FAC this week.
I have big plans in Denver that evening.

So I think that someone else needs to step up and plan the FAC!

Also everyone should look for the Coopersmith's blog on geekswhodrink.com and see the scores from our magnificent trivia win Sunday night.

Big ass Texas FAC ... or not.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!

That is what I heard at 1:00 this morning. Some crazy Texan (Not Durham or Dartez) was bellowing his fool head off behind my house. He went through about an hour of various curses, racial slurs, non-sequitors, and even told the guard dog at the storage place that it's mom was a drug addict. Or maybe he was talking to some other b*tch. I am certain he was alone until the po-po showed up (I called them after about 1/2 an hour). How do I know he was a Texan? Because he kept yelling "I am a Texas (racial slur)!" at the top of his voice. I did not go out to confirm if he really was the race he purported to be.

So I am really tired this fine Thursday morning.
Luckily, Trailhead 'Geeks Who Drink' Trivia went well and we won by a landslide (or is it by a sidekick?) After much cajoling, bribery, and promises we finally got on the quizmasters' good side.

Anyway, as you may know, some of our FAC friends are leaving the country because they are wanted by the authorities for bellowing at the top of their lungs behind my house.....hahahahah. Not really. Luke and Audrey Anna are going to Mexico! So they will be spending FAC on the beach and none of the rest of us are invited. Poo.

So all the rest of y'all (don't mess with Texas) should come out and have more fun than ever!!! Let's go out to OLD CHICAGO (in Olde Towne next to Drunken Monkey)!

We should try to meet before 6 so we can take advantage of the beer and snack specials...... I will be there a little before 5 -- like 4:30 or so! Maybe after we can stop in to the Drunken Monkey and pretend we are at the beach ourselves....or pretend to beach ourselves....

Now some of you may think that the Chicago theme is as far from Texas as you can get, but I think it is pretty Texan. I mean we know CHI-town likes things big:

Big water:




















Big water with big ice:














Big art:


























Big buildings:


























Big pizza:















Big fire:

















Also it used to be one of the biggest cow-towns in the US.

Let us rejoice in all that is the Windy City!

It's a 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes; it's dark and we're wearing sun glasses. Hit it!
- - - The Blues Brothers

Loving Chicago is like loving a woman with a broken nose.
- - - Nelson Algren

I am going to St. Petersburg, Florida, tomorrow. Let the worthy citizens of Chicago get their liquor the best they can. I'm sick of the job--it's a thankless one and full of grief. I've been spending the best years of my life as a public benefactor.
- - - Al Capone, 1927

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."
- - - Richard Jeni

Stay tuned for next weeks theme, which will be something fun we discussed at Surfside last week but I forgot. Sounds pretty cool, doesn't it?

Bear "And all that Jazz " Bonney

Pirate FAC

WELL --

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End was very cool, both times I saw it. I know, I am a geek.

I made a new enemy this weekend, and it is all because a certain mayoral candidate does not know how to be a gracious winner.

FAC this week? Who is coming? Last week was very successful at the microbrew party, if you missed it you should feel sad.
This week I think we should go to:
BELIZE!
A country with no McDonalds and 700,000+ speakers of Mayan! You didn't even know people spoke a language called MAYAN! They also have some delicious rum, and cool things to do, like snorkel and lay around in the sun and eat fish (so essentially make like a sea lion).

Barring the actual delivery of me to Belize at 5:00pm on Friday, I will likely be at the good old Surfside for a little bit. AT 5:00 THIS WEEK.
I took too many days off so I have to be late. Of course get there at noon if you like, but I won't show til 5:00.



Bear "I have a Doctorate in Applied Richology" Bonney

FAC Microbrew Partay

Wow, there is a lot to write in this FAC announcement.

First I will say that there is a typo in my calendar. It says "15" for Friday's date so apparently there are two 15ths this month. This is the "Backyard Biosecurity" Avian flu calendar -- it has USDA APHIS VS all over it. I am sad for us.

What else? The internet makes everything seem to move so fast but the biggest things are the HD DVD decryption movement, Diet Coke Plus, and Midnight Cool Flavor Eclipse Gum.

Diet Coke Plus has vitamins. B vitamins and zinc and stuff. I want to quote (not an exact quote but close enough) something I read in Newsweek from some Coke guy:
" We are not promoting it as 'healthier' because that would perpetuate the false idea that soda is bad for you in the first place."
Um, hellllloooo..... is saying that soda is good for us, or --- excuse me-- NOT bad for us?

Midnight Cool Eclipse Gum is NOT good for us. No matter what Wrigley says. Unless you like black licorice or Black Jack gum, mixed with mint. Do not buy this gum if you do not want the refreshing taste of minty licorice.

Okay -- product review segment over.

FAC!!
What are we doing this week?

Well this Friday after I spend a couple of hours basking in the glow of epic pirate sea battles, I will by enjoying many fabulous micro brews at a MICRO BREW PARTY!

Here is how it works:

Every person brings a six pack of a micro brew. The point is to try to have no two of the same six packs. A growler counts as a six pack.

Party is at 6:30 pm. (I will be later than that due to my obligations to Captain Sao Feng.)
Address is Stover and Del Clair -- about halfway between Drake and Swallow on Stover.
RSVP to me if you want to come and we will meet together, or you can just show up and introduce yourself to Cecil and Marsha, our gracious hosts for the evening.
Call me if you want more info.

Happy long weekend Y'all!
Don't get caught breaking the law!


Bear "09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0" Bonney

Gay Coke

So we have a new product in my area, since we are a test market for many companies you may not see this product in your area EVER.

It is Diet Coke Plus. As you can see the "Plus" is written in rainbow colors.

Diet Coke Plus is better because it has vitamins! Each 8-ounce serving of Diet Coke Plus provides 15% of the daily value for niacin and vitamins B6 and B12, and 10% for zinc and magnesium.
So it really is good for you, right? Hhahahahahaha. I make joke.

And the beauty is, it tastes exactly like Original Diet Coke!
The thing is I do not care about Diet Coke at all. I prefer Coke to Pepsi in general, but I will drink just about anything. But I have a friend to whom Diet Coke is his third food group (after PBR and Camel Lights). This product may actually make him healthier! So it is for him I christen it "Gay Coke". Welcome to the future, where you never have to actually eat food.