It was 17yrs ago today...

June 28th, 1993 was a Monday. I had a 7am appointment to go to the hospital, so they could figure out why my baby didn't want to be born. But since we didn't really know when his whore of a mother actually got pregnant, we weren't *sure* if he was 2 weeks late like we thought.

I endured the most painful ultrasound of all time. If you don't think an ultrasound can be painful, please strap two bowling balls to your abdomen then lie head down on an incline board so that the balls press heavily on your diaphragm. Stay there for 20 minutes with a nurse bitching at you. Yay!

Once they determined the parasite was of an appropriate age to be released into the wild, they admitted me. Some cunting nurse called me "uneducated" because I didn't take any stupid fucking Lamaze classes. I wanted to kill her. Luckily her shift ended right after she helped me into my room.

I walked around the hospital for a few hours, and then around 2pm they manually broke my water. I don't really remember much after that, because it was on like Donkey Kong between me and the baby. At around 5:30 he was finally ejected into the world. That's right bitches, just over 3 hours of labor. I am a champ at this birthin' thing! Or I was that one time I did it.

So now I am sitting here thinking about my giant 6ft tall, 190 lb baby who is sleeping in his dirty cave of a room, farting and snoring. Not much different from the day we took him home.