Anxiety is an unusual thing.

I take some medication for anxiety. Yes, you goddamn hippies, I participate in better living through chemistry. If I don't, I hurt people.

Well through a long process of losing crap like I do sometimes (always paperwork, and the important stuff too. I put it where I will "always know where it is" and then forget.), I managed to lose the prescription my doctor wrote me a few months ago. I lost it because he wrote it a month early and so I put it somewhere and now I can't find the damn thing. My doctor will not write me a new one. So I have no meds.

How this affects you:

Well I am more grumpy. More angry. More likely to hate you on sight. I also have these mini-anxiety attacks -- I don't really know what else to call them. I don't freak out and go all crazy or pass out like Tony Soprano, or not at least so you would notice. In fact I could be having one AT ANY TIME and you would never know it. I might scowl more than usual.

My anxiety has gotten worse as I have gotten older, maybe because i have lost my youthful bravado and devil-may-care attitude. I think we all start to worry more about getting injured, about making a social or career blunder, about the consequences of our actions. Of course I will still do stupid crap often enough. My anxiety kicks in when I least expect it.

An example:
I went to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, which is in Colorado Springs of course. In their new Rocky Mountain Wild exhibit the have a large tower which is supposed to be similar to a Forest Service lookout tower. I am not afraid of heights. I go on water slides, roller coasters, the Space Needle, the Rims, the Colorado National Monument, etc. This day I climbed these stairs (made of that metal with holes in it -- but the molded kind not the pultruded kind), I felt a surge of adrenaline -- and not in a good way. (Actually is adrenaline ever good? Isn't endorphin = good, adrenaline = bad. Damn you A&P.) I was scred! What?! I am not scared of anything! But no, I was not scared per se, just having an anxiety attack. Why? Who the hell knows?

My advice to you: Keep away from me. No, really, and if you come close bring yarn, fishing tackle, or other awesome gifts with you. For your own sake, really.

Also, I do not think knitting helps unless it is very quiet and no one is distracting me.

Schmolitics.

NOTE: This is not to tell anyone who to support or vote for, but be forewarned I will be displaying my personal preference of Presidential candidate in the context of describing my experience at my State Democratic Convention. I also talk about my fellow gays disparagingly, and I use some foul language. Suck it up and deal.

So an uneventful drive to the Springs and a nice relaxing lunch at Chili's near the Team American World Arena where the convention will be held did not prepare us for the drama of the "Early registration." The misleading text in the delegate instructions reads "Arrive any time between 1 and 7 pm", which makes it sound like a casual stroll into the hotel, check in with a sweet-faced volunteer, get some buttons and other stuff, get out of there. Woo!

NO.

It turned out to be a frighteningly long line which I am guessing was about 4 or 5 miles from beginning to end. The wait was approximately 4 hours. Mostly it was "Vote for me as delegate." and "Here, have a button for this candidate -- who I know you support because of the 119 other buttons you have already." or "Where is the bathroom? Where is the check in? Is this really the line? How do we get to the restaurant?"
At one point they (clarification: "they" is whoever the heck is in charge of the event and the volunteers, which was apparently a half-deaf wood rat with an utter disregard for humanity, time management, and structure) decided to pull one congressional district out of the main line for special processing because that CD needed to be at their 4:00pm meeting on time.

The members of that CD left and of course the line moved quite rapidly forward. The gaggle of us that had been standing together chugged forward, happy for a change of scenery. As we moved past a seating area in the hotel lobby, two women got up from the cushy leather couch they were lounging on, strolled over in their prissy pseudo-dyke outfits and got in line in front of us.

I was stunned. I have never in the 24 hours since I was watching the line in front of Wash bar seen such brazen "line cutting". From adults participating in their political process no less.

I asked the women politely if they were with the woman ahead of us. They ignored me. So I touched the shoulder of the "leader" of the two (she was the leader because she had short spiky blondish hair and was actually wearing her jacket, the other was nondescript and draped her jacket over her arm -- just so you know the cues) and asked her again if they were with the woman in front of us. She said no, that they were just in line. I remarked that we had previously been right behind the woman in the cowboy hat and now suddenly we were not. The "lead bitch" said unironically "We were sitting on a sofa over there and we got up when we noticed the line was starting to move." I said "I can see that, but we have been waiting two hours in this line and you can't just come in here and stand in front of us." Lead Bitch said "Well fine, sweetheart, you just go ahead!" in her snottiest Bitch voice and PUSHED ME. Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaah. She said "I have severe arthritis in my back!" I said in my best AlphaNoYouDidNotJustTouchMeBitch voice "I Don't Give A FUCK About Your Arthritis, SWEETHEART. SHE (pointing to my partner) has arthritis in her neck. If you are so crippled you need to get a WHEELCHAIR. I don't give a SHIT but you are not cutting here." The OmegaTwat (I am assuming it was Lead Bitch's partner) decides to defend her mate and pipe up with her little yip of "She has arthritis in her neck too!" As if that was relevant to anything. I said " I still don't give a shit."

At this point Lead Bitch squawked some more about something which I totally ignored and they walked away TOWARD THE FRONT OF THE LINE! They were going to cut in front of someone closer the the front of the line! I was of course stating this observation as loudly as I could to the people who had been staring at us ever since I dropped the F-bomb in the middle of what should have been a civilized gathering. Once Lead Bitch and OmegaTwat realized every Democratic delegate in earshot was staring at them they petulantly stomped and huffed toward the back of the line, I am sure to cut in front of some 72 year-old lady or a war veteran with one leg and burn scars all over his body who had been waiting in line for hours NOT SITTING ON THEIR ASSES WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO SEND THEM AN ENGRAVED INVITATION TO THE POLITICAL PARTY.

Ah. That felt good.

So anyway, more "news":

Janet Napolitano will be at the convention tomorrow. And a Clinton staffer, not sure who -- can't remember the name.

So no Clinton or Obama.
Federico Pena is at the assembly tonight.

As of this writing, they are still convened.


WTF are they doing you ask? According to the Denver Post:
"The purpose of the Democratic state convention, which runs through Saturday, is to pick the final delegates to the national convention, firm up the party's platform, nominate congressional candidates and put Mark Udall on the ballot as the party's lone U.S. Senate candidate."
So there you go. I am not a delegate, just one of the supporters who polices the queuing of delegates. Oh, plus I bring Jolly Ranchers, chocolate, and cold Red Bull.
And I helped make this sign: (pic forthcoming)


Party on Democrats. On this day we rule the World Arena.

barack obama

It *IS* the rabbit!

**DEATH COMES POSTAGE DUE**
It seemed like a typical boring Thursday at the US Department of Agriculture, but at 12:08 PM MDT, knottybear received a life-changing package from the mail dude at her office building. Despite the fact that it had been x-ray scanned and allowed entrance into a secure government facility, no Homeland Security officer or TSA screener could know the true sinister nature of the box so disarmingly sealed with purple duct tape. Even someone trained in animal disease surveillance like knottybear, who has read the Foreign Animal Disease manual every year for the last three years, and worked with such insidious characters as Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (aka Mad Cow disease), Tuberculosis, Avian Influenza (aka Bird Flu), and Johnes (which has no aka because no one has even heard of it in the first place) -- even this learned person was no match for what was in this parcel.

Knottybear had questioned Mail Dude earlier in the day about parcels, so she was not surprised when Mail Dude called at 11:56 to say a package was waiting for her. Mail Dude and knottybear joked lightly about the fact that a slight difference in zip code had caused the package to go to many Denver suburbs before finally making it's way to Northern Colorado, with 47 cents due on the postage. It is now thought that the strong mystical powers of the contents caused confusion and obfuscation that few mail carriers can overcome without certain powerful charms and rituals.

The nearly weightless package was opened at knottybear's desk, while a co-worker looked on. After some awkward fumbling with a cluttered desk, the duct tape was sliced with a T-pin and the following images chronicle the ensuing horror, which no words can convey.








*Dealing With The Aftermath*

"It was kind of bizarre," said a coworker who wishes to remain anonymous.
"I did take some pictures on my cell phone, because I thought I might post it on you tube or something. You know, with "Don't Fear The Reaper" playing over a photo montage. Something that really captures the moment."
When asked, the coworker said that no, knottybear did not seem brave in the face of death, and the she "went down like a palm tree in a hurricane and cried like a b!t@h the entire time" the massacre was happening.

The creature, which was described by witnesses as "a cross between a rabbit and a toothy afghan", is still on the loose.

knottybear is survived by her dozens of useless cube decorations which include some foam animals, some pirate decorations, a Harry Potter calendar, and a drawing she made on the whiteboard of a suspicious llama.

Actually the foam animals have likely been pillaged by her co-workers by now.

Some crap.

I am predicting the appearance of odd deep-sea dwellers on the shores of Asian countries soon. Remember how there was that tidal wave in 2004, then in Jan/Feb 2007 there was the frilled shark AND the goblin shark within days of each other. Plus: "In 2003, more than a hundred goblin sharks were caught off the northwest coast of Taiwan, an area in which they have previously not been found. Reportedly, the sharks were caught a short time after an earthquake occurred in the area." -- Wikipedia

So China earthquake + Myanmar Cyclone = Japanese dudes catching the weirdest creatures in the sea.

This weirds me out. I think that it means something, like it is the end times or something --- when the sea monsters start coming up to play.

Here is the sappy and belated Mother's Day portion. While my child is now 14 years old and a surly, hulking, man-child, he was once upon a time a cute leetle baby.
Witness:













AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Look at the cute smile and the eyelashes and the teddybear jammies!

After awhile things went bad:



















Notice the unkempt hair, the savage countenance, the thuggish apparel. Oh the shins he could destroy.

It got better once:













See how he almost smiled? And is well dressed and clean. Yeah it was a wedding. Later he put tool-shaped confetti in his sparkling apple juice then choked on it and threw up.

He has morphed into a cynical surly beast that is all 'emo' when at the beach:



Anyway, happy Mom's day late everyone. Hope your kid remembered!
And remember! Strap on your vorpal sword, the creepy crawlies are rising from the deep!!

Pure crochet taste of sweet crochet bring a pleasure.

So my tentative forays into amigurumi crochet have finally paid off.

I made a strawberry, a cupcake, and a little goldfish!