When I was in the 5th grade I was in the Extended Enrichment Program, or Triple E, at my elementary school. It was an extra curricular for smart kids, like you got to do tangrams and watch four hours of Mr. Wizard and do the experiments along with the show. We did a lot of cool stuff, like went to the Future Problem Solvers competition and the like.
This scarred me for life. In more ways than one. True, it gave me a sense of superiority, an aloofness, and a penchant for tiny squares and rectangles of plastic. But it also gave a strong aversion for Cap'n Crunch.
If you do not know about Cap'n Crunch cereal, let me describe it. As if the horrible contraction in the name isn't enough, it is like eating a chunk of old concrete. If concrete was made out of rock and sugar. It looks innocent enough:
But after you eat it, your mouth is hamburger on the inside, like eating a club sandwich.
as you can see I totally stole the pic from some guy's Maximum Awesome blog about how horrible Cap'Crunch is.
But my story has a special twist, one that comes well before the abrasions to the soft palate or the slimy coating the wet nuggets leave behind.
My story starts with the rat hair.
This is a rat (actually a very cute one):
Another rat, also very cute:
Notice how they both have a bunch of hair. And btw, rats are born loving Cap'n Crunch:
Well my 5th grade Triple E teacher, in her infinite wisdom, brought in a clump of Cap'n Crunch which appeared to have a large quantity of rat hair baked into it. Possibly it was a mouse, the whole thing, just entombed in sweet crunchy cement. Whatever, it was revolting.
She had contacted the Quaker Oats company and they said, in essence, here is coupon for your trouble, but the FDA allows Rodent filth: Average of 1 or more rodent hairs per 50 grams or something like that, sorry you got our yearly quota in your kid's Spiderman bowl. (Go to the FDA link for more info on contaminants in food.)
So I hate Cap'n Crunch. And Quaker tries to claim to be so healthy!
Well my lovely Kel has brought a box of the vile stuff into my house TWICE in the last month! I think she is trying to drive me away. Both the boys eat it, and so does she. I eat the delicious Oat Crunch Cheerios she bought me, and Puffed Kashi. I am sure neither of those cereals ever had rat hair in them. Only contaminated with tiny black helicopters:
photo credit lyle_zapato via zapatopi.net
Anyway, because of my cereal trauma, pun intended, and lack of funds in general, I will not be FAC-ing this week. I know some others are poor too (holiday bills finally rolling in and still at least a few days before the tax return can be filed). So stay tuned for next week's blog which will include exciting things like zombie armies, Geek Bowl 2008 results, and knitting assassins!
Bear "I guess Aunt Mabel didn't need a $94.00 lace shawl when she would have been happy with a $4.00 box of Almond Roca." Bonney
4 comments:
See guys here is what it looks like when you comment!
It sucks because someone is wearing the same over-shirt as me today, but my Chopping Challenge shirt cannot be copied by poseurs! The same person also got the same brown shirt I have been wearing for several years now.
well, we can do an fac like thing at my place tonight if you like, get a 12-pack of pbr or a cheap bottle of booze and rant and rave til mid-evening...
I was in Steamboat's version of Triple E. They would pull us out of class and try to teach us chess and stuff. I don't know why they kept me in it, as I was EPIC FAIL at chess, and snarky about everything else. Why can't people just leave me alone, and let me read??!!
I am also EPIC FAIL at chess....
and at tangrams, actually.
In fact I was only good at drawing on the right side of the brain. Surprise.
Post a Comment