Anxiety is an unusual thing.

I take some medication for anxiety. Yes, you goddamn hippies, I participate in better living through chemistry. If I don't, I hurt people.

Well through a long process of losing crap like I do sometimes (always paperwork, and the important stuff too. I put it where I will "always know where it is" and then forget.), I managed to lose the prescription my doctor wrote me a few months ago. I lost it because he wrote it a month early and so I put it somewhere and now I can't find the damn thing. My doctor will not write me a new one. So I have no meds.

How this affects you:

Well I am more grumpy. More angry. More likely to hate you on sight. I also have these mini-anxiety attacks -- I don't really know what else to call them. I don't freak out and go all crazy or pass out like Tony Soprano, or not at least so you would notice. In fact I could be having one AT ANY TIME and you would never know it. I might scowl more than usual.

My anxiety has gotten worse as I have gotten older, maybe because i have lost my youthful bravado and devil-may-care attitude. I think we all start to worry more about getting injured, about making a social or career blunder, about the consequences of our actions. Of course I will still do stupid crap often enough. My anxiety kicks in when I least expect it.

An example:
I went to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, which is in Colorado Springs of course. In their new Rocky Mountain Wild exhibit the have a large tower which is supposed to be similar to a Forest Service lookout tower. I am not afraid of heights. I go on water slides, roller coasters, the Space Needle, the Rims, the Colorado National Monument, etc. This day I climbed these stairs (made of that metal with holes in it -- but the molded kind not the pultruded kind), I felt a surge of adrenaline -- and not in a good way. (Actually is adrenaline ever good? Isn't endorphin = good, adrenaline = bad. Damn you A&P.) I was scred! What?! I am not scared of anything! But no, I was not scared per se, just having an anxiety attack. Why? Who the hell knows?

My advice to you: Keep away from me. No, really, and if you come close bring yarn, fishing tackle, or other awesome gifts with you. For your own sake, really.

Also, I do not think knitting helps unless it is very quiet and no one is distracting me.