Bull and Bear

Story of my life...

2011-12-07T07:35:00.006-07:00

From the hilarious site by Drew, Toothpaste For Dinner.

RAK info, for those that asked.

2011-11-16T15:36:00.008-07:00

RAK/Swap Info (updated post-fire*)
For any swap/RAK item it is not necessary that it be new, just usable for whatever function it was intended.
I am not a fan of untangling yarn so I would prefer not to receive yarn barfs. ;) Balled/frogged yarn is fine, just let me know the fiber content if possible so I know how to take care of it. I prefer natural fibers, but I am not a yarn snob. I mostly knit, but do crochet amigurumi.
I use all sizes of needles but prefer smaller than US10. I prefer bamboo needles, but no problem with any other material. I like black and darker reds, mostly earthy colors in a subdued palette, and grey blues. I do not like pinks for the most part, or ‘neon’ bright colors.
I like sweet and salty treats, chocolate and pecans are two of my favorite things, alone or together. I also love trying new exotic foods/candies of any kind so bring on the salty licorice! I don’t have any food allergies.
My swap partner should know I am brave, adventurous, curious, creative, and determined! So send things that you love and want to share, because I am always willing to try something different.
I have cats and a dog, the cats like catnip and toys. The dog is an old and diabetic Lab so he really doesn’t get treats anymore except the occasional BusyBone.
My Etsy favorites: http://www.etsy.com/people/PapiBear/favorites/ and there is a link to my Goodreads profile on my Rav profile.
Anything else you want to know, feel free to ask!

~~Any of the knit/crochet books or magazines in my current library, as they were all lost~~ Update 12/1 ALL OUR KNITTING BOOKS ARE HOME EVEN THOUGH THEY SAID THEY COULDN'T SAVE THEM!!

~~Any size/type straight needles, they were all lost~~ Update 12/1, we got a RAK with lots of lovely needles!!

*Any fabric or sewing notions, all were lost
*Buttons, seed beads, beading notions, jewelry findings – ~~nearly all lost.~~ Many buttons and beading things were returned!

* Much yarn was lost -- all the cotton yarn we had, all the crochet thread, all the acrylic, a lot of the wool. Because of how/where we stored the finer yarn much of it was saved from utter destruction, but still remains to be seen if it will stand up to the cleaning or if the cleaning will succeed in removing the smoke smell.

* Same for roving, we didn’t have much but we will have to see if it will clean up. Drop spindle lost but the wheel should be okay with a little cleaning.

Insurance will pay for our personal possessions up to a certain limit, but that could be months into the future.

Some people asked about my kid, too. He is doing well. He is 18 and in college so I think he has enough distraction. He likes old school hip-hop and a bunch of music i don't know anything about. He loathes dubstep and ICP. He loves hockey, Sabres and Avs mostly. He loves New York -- Yankees as a team, all other stuff about New York is awesome to him as well. He has a similar sense of humor to me -- cynical. Haha.

Kel (TiddyWhiskerz) is included in the above... our stashes were commingled, and the beading/jewelry stuff is all her.

~~We lost every handknit item we had.~~ UPDATE: We got two knit hats back, both felted, but still wearable. I got one scarf with a hole in it, but probably repairable. I got one pair of gloves back. YAY!
Both the HAT ATTACK hats, all the things we had knit for ourselves, things waiting to be gifted to other people. Any of us would love something hand knit -- scarf, shawl, gloves, mittens, hats, toys... whatever!
The boy is a Men's large in most things, size 10.5/11 shoe. Kel wears a small glove, a small/medium hat, size 7/8 shoe. I wear a size9/10 in mens shoe, large gloves, regular size hat.
Thanks, everyone. Without our knitting friends we would be even more lost than we already are.

I feel stupid.

2011-06-03T08:35:00.001-06:00

I let this blog just wallow unattended for almost a year.

This IS my blog.

2010-08-03T15:16:00.000-06:00

I work with this woman who insists on boycotting things for the most absurd reasons.

She stopped giving money to public television because they have a Spanish language channel (which I cannot even find). Her logic: she grew up in a heavily Ukrainian neighborhood (though she herself is not Ukraine), and why didn't PBS have a Ukrainian channel?

I didn't have the patience to explain how demographics, supply and demand, and advertising dollars (or in this case donation dollars) work.

Also she hates the AKC (American Kennel Club). For -- this is a direct quote -- "they enforce breed standards". Uh, yes. That is the whole, entire sole purpose of the AKC. She said that there are "many different kinds of Jack Russells' and that the AKC "renamed the Jack Russell the Parson Russell". I said, "oh I thought those were two different breeds? She said, no, they just made it up so they could enforce their rules.

She is a lunatic. She also was surprised when a bear ripped the cover off her bird feeder. The cover was made of that green plastic-coated rabbit wire. That shit will hardly keep my DOG out, much less a bear.

Only half? Well, at least it is the good half.

2010-07-02T07:46:00.008-06:00

I am joking, of course.

visited 26 states (52%)
Create your own visited map of The United States

But 26 seems like not enough states.

I guess at some point I will HAVE to go to the South. East Texas is really the closest I have been to the real South, and that was a little weird. Of course I would love to see New Orleans, and Florida beaches could be fun.

I don't really have much desire to see the Carolinas, except that I have heard that it is beautiful and they have good BBQ.

Where I really, really want to go is MAINE. I think it would be awesome. Plus, LOBSTER!

I didn't add any states that I have had layovers in, or just driven through a corner. But if I stopped for planned roadside attractions and spent more time than just a gas station stop, I added it. So Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania all have to wait for a "real" visit.

It was 17yrs ago today...

2010-06-28T09:03:00.003-06:00

June 28th, 1993 was a Monday. I had a 7am appointment to go to the hospital, so they could figure out why my baby didn't want to be born. But since we didn't really know when his whore of a mother actually got pregnant, we weren't *sure* if he was 2 weeks late like we thought.

I endured the most painful ultrasound of all time. If you don't think an ultrasound can be painful, please strap two bowling balls to your abdomen then lie head down on an incline board so that the balls press heavily on your diaphragm. Stay there for 20 minutes with a nurse bitching at you. Yay!

Once they determined the parasite was of an appropriate age to be released into the wild, they admitted me. Some cunting nurse called me "uneducated" because I didn't take any stupid fucking Lamaze classes. I wanted to kill her. Luckily her shift ended right after she helped me into my room.

I walked around the hospital for a few hours, and then around 2pm they manually broke my water. I don't really remember much after that, because it was on like Donkey Kong between me and the baby. At around 5:30 he was finally ejected into the world. That's right bitches, just over 3 hours of labor. I am a champ at this birthin' thing! Or I was that one time I did it.

So now I am sitting here thinking about my giant 6ft tall, 190 lb baby who is sleeping in his dirty cave of a room, farting and snoring. Not much different from the day we took him home.

Another informative bit about the new healthcare bill.

2010-03-22T22:49:00.001-06:00

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/special/politics/what-health-bill-means-for-you/

Interactive tool to see how the bill could affect you.

2010-03-22T13:49:00.001-06:00

Here is the summary.

Coverage:

* Would expand coverage to 32 million Americans who are currently uninsured.

Health Insurance Exchanges:

* The uninsured and self-employed would be able to purchase insurance through state-based exchanges with subsidies available to individuals and families with income between the 133 percent and 400 percent of poverty level.
* Separate exchanges would be created for small businesses to purchase coverage — effective 2014.
* Funding available to states to establish exchanges within one year of enactment and until January 1, 2015.

Subsidies:

* Individuals and families who make between 100 percent – 400 percent of the Federal Poverty Level (FPL) and want to purchase their own health insurance on an exchange are eligible for subsidies. They cannot be eligible for Medicare, Medicaid and cannot be covered by an employer. Eligible buyers receive premium credits and there is a cap for how much they have to contribute to their premiums on a sliding scale.

Federal Poverty Level for family of four is $22,050

Paying for the Plan:

* Medicare Payroll tax on investment income — Starting in 2012, the Medicare Payroll Tax will be expanded to include unearned income. That will be a 3.8 percent tax on investment income for families making more than $250,000 per year ($200,000 for individuals).
* Excise Tax — Beginning in 2018, insurance companies will pay a 40 percent excise tax on so-called “Cadillac” high-end insurance plans worth over $27,500 for families ($10,200 for individuals). Dental and vision plans are exempt and will not be counted in the total cost of a family’s plan.
* Tanning Tax — 10 percent excise tax on indoor tanning services.

Medicare:

* Closes the Medicare prescription drug “donut hole” by 2020. Seniors who hit the donut hole by 2010 will receive a $250 rebate.
* Beginning in 2011, seniors in the gap will receive a 50 percent discount on brand name drugs. The bill also includes $500 billion in Medicare cuts over the next decade.

Medicaid:

* Expands Medicaid to include 133 percent of federal poverty level which is $29,327 for a family of four.
* Requires states to expand Medicaid to include childless adults starting in 2014.
* Federal Government pays 100 percent of costs for covering newly eligible individuals through 2016.
* Illegal immigrants are not eligible for Medicaid.

Insurance Reforms:

* Six months after enactment, insurance companies could no longer denying children coverage based on a preexisting condition.
* Starting in 2014, insurance companies cannot deny coverage to anyone with preexisting conditions.
* Insurance companies must allow children to stay on their parent’s insurance plans through age 26.

Abortion:

* The bill segregates private insurance premium funds from taxpayer funds. Individuals would have to pay for abortion coverage by making two separate payments, private funds would have to be kept in a separate account from federal and taxpayer funds.
* No health care plan would be required to offer abortion coverage. States could pass legislation choosing to opt out of offering abortion coverage through the exchange.

**Separately, anti-abortion Democrats worked out language with the White House on an executive order that would state that no federal funds can be used to pay for abortions except in the case of rape, incest or health of the mother. (Read more here)

Individual Mandate:

* In 2014, everyone must purchase health insurance or face a $695 annual fine. There are some exceptions for low-income people.

Note: If you are eligible for Medicare/Medicaid, or make less than the limit for filing income tax you are also not fined.

Employer Mandate:

* Technically, there is no employer mandate. Employers with more than 50 employees must provide health insurance or pay a fine of $2000 per worker each year if any worker receives federal subsidies to purchase health insurance. Fines applied to entire number of employees minus some allowances.

Immigration:

* Illegal immigrants will not be allowed to buy health insurance in the exchanges — even if they pay completely with their own money

Daily agenda

2010-03-01T08:58:00.008-07:00

7:33 Arrive at work
7:35 to 7:50 Wait for computer to boot up. To save time, Get coffee and gossip while waiting.
7:50 - 8:00 more gossip, talk about WoW
8:00 - 8:15 read email and meeting invites. cry because of how insipid it all is, especially the meeting invite for 2-4pm from the big boss saying he will explain what is going on since our supervisor was fired last week. TWO HOURS? ugh
8:15 - 9:00 IM with coworkers, plan for meetings, eavesdrop
9:00 - 9:15 smoke break when team meeting is canceled because our supervisor was fired, and now big boss is our direct supervisor.
9:15 - 9:30 screw around reading xkcd in a coworkers cube and speculate on agenda of meeting with big boss later.
9:30 - 10:00 research prices of digital voice recorders to record big boss's speech in the 2 hour meeting later
10:00 - 10:20 meeting where people discuss obvious things and create a process which violates all best business practices for IT. Hear coworker say (when asked who we report to now) "no one" when two other coworkers simultaneously say name of big boss. Suspect that coworker will be the next boss just because she is so dumb.
10:20 - 10:33 look at instantchewbacca.com , clicking the button repeatedly because it is exactly how I feel right now
10:34 - 10:42 dick around on the internet reading xkcd and the fake AP Stylebook
10:42 - 10:45 watch annoying Visa commercial from the Olympics
10:45 - 11:00 contemplate quitting, talk to coworker about work stuff
11:00 - 11:38 Lunch and smoke break, wherein I joke with former supervisor about hitting the liquor store on the way back from lunch, she replies we should just go to her house and I say I am free from 2 to 4pm
11:38 - 11:42 read email about using a patching agent to deploy another patching agent, which is like using Google to search for Bing
11:45 - 11:50 take and fail an online quiz about postpartum depression
11:50 - 11:57 read and eyeroll at top 10 radical parenting methods article
11:58 - 12:10 dick around with "parenting skills" game on Discovery health
12:10 - 12:25 edit star wars propaganda poster with vader on it to refer to my workplace
12:26 - 12:38 read Found magazine while drinking Red Bull to get pumped for my 2pm meeting
12:39 - 12:53 talk about books and Found magazine with coworker, also enlighten her as to the size of Powell's City of Books
12:54 - 12:58 pee out the redbull/coffee/dietcoke
12:59 - 1:10 smoke break
1:12 - 1:30 talk about when big boss will show up, talk about knitting and reading some more
1:30 - 1:55 glue handle on rainbow coffee mug, IM with coworkers, fill out time sheet, write draft of resignation letter, blog
2:00 - 4:00 Listen to the big boss
4:02 drink heavily

More on what the big boss had to say after I actually hear it. Whee.

No G-Spot?

2010-01-04T14:44:00.003-07:00

In a BBC News article today, some people are claiming the "G-Spot" doesn't exist.

The following conversation ensued...

2:39:57 PM: Captan: not only does the BBC say websit4es are getting rid of fat people, they also have an article about how there is no GSpot . “Recently Italian scientists claimed they could locate the G-spot using ultrasound scans. " LOL

2:40:17 PM: MeezerManx: I KNOW

2:40:24 PM: MeezerManx: They can't find it becayuse they are all MEN

2:40:33 PM: Captan: exactly

2:40:38 PM: MeezerManx: I almost sent you that one too

2:40:41 PM: Captan: lol

2:40:51 PM: MeezerManx: it is easier for them to beliueve it does not exist than it is for them to find iut

2:41:46 PM: Captan: or it is easier to pretend that differences that occur from person to person can prove that something doesn't exist. Like penises don't exist because i don't have one

2:41:54 PM: MeezerManx: lol

2:41:56 PM: MeezerManx: good call

2:42:03 PM: MeezerManx: if we all don't have it, no one has it

2:42:17 PM: Captan: I hate science sometimes

2:42:23 PM: MeezerManx: men are just jealous because ours is not in our ass

2:42:31 PM: Captan: HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

Blowhard McGillcutty

2009-11-20T16:03:00.002-07:00

The following is an email from a coworker. It is important to note a few things first.
A) This was sent in November, the restriction of removing admin rights from computers was executed in September.
B) The person writing this is a developer.
C) This is the Federal Government, a job where you have to pass a background check, get fingerprinted, etc.
D) The author was involved in a situation which forced the agency to purchase a piece of software that the team independently purchased (with their own money) and installed illegally and then the author broke the license by installing it on too many computers, but they HAD TO HAVE IT ( the agency re-purchased the software) because it was what they were developing the app on.

I had a discussion with L about the requirement to restrict Admin rights on laptops. As you may recall (L would recall since he is the one who told you what the reasoning was in the first place!), IT made the case that as long as we run computers on a network those computers that are running with admin rights are vulnerable to hacker attacks. In other words, malware software cannot be installed on a computer if the computer is not running with admin privileges. From a purely technical perspective, it is difficult to refute that argument.

To better address the security issues I put together a list of questions we should present to IT and other security personnel at our next meeting. Feel free to add to this list. Perhaps there are solutions and we just need to be better educated ourselves as to how we can work more effectively in more secure environments.

Is the risk of being infected with malware great enough to justify draconian (Really?)security measures to prevent an attack? (I don't know. Why not ask someone who has had their identity stolen?)
What documentation is there to show the extent of the risk? (Yes. It is called the news. Check it out.)
Does the law of diminishing returns apply when it comes to computer security? (Probably. But we have way more freedom than most government agencies. I can youtube, google, and even blog from work, so I doubt we have too much security.)
How adequate are existing network security measures? Can firewalls and anti virus software be used to prevent malware from reaching a computer? (Hmm. You might have a point. I am sure that anti-virus software is a scam. Also firewalls. They were only invented to bilk us out of money. The lack of viruses is not evidence at all. thanks for bringing this to our attention. We will remove them immediately.)
Does restricting admin access to their systems have a significant impact on the ability of IT professionals to do their jobs? If so, to what extent? Are mitigation efforts effective? (What is this called? Some sort of logical fallacy i am sure.)
Some software writes to the user's hard drive during the course of running and using the software. If the user does not have admin rights then the software cannot run. Should IT professionals use only software that does not require them to have admin rights in order to use it effectively? (Maybe the IT PROFESSIONAL could figure out a way to give that specific software those rights.)
Should IT consider open source software as an alternative to more expensive software products which are more difficult to use on systems having tighter security restrictions? Are there security concerns when running open source software? (How is open-source software easier to use on a system without admin rights? Are you saying no open source software writes to the hard drive? Or was there something specific you had in mind? Yet another logical fallacy, I am sure of it.)

So you want the Federal government to justify it's security policies to you with documentation of the risk posed by allowing users to install unauthorized software? Well, despite the fact that the reasons are obvious to anyone who knows anything about computer viruses, trojans and other types of malware, here is my reason: I WANT MY $200 DOLLARS BACK FOR THAT SOFTWARE ASSHOLE.
Those were my tax dollars you forced our agency to spend.
Dicks like you costing the government money because you think you know better than anyone else should be fired at the least. Preferably rolled in tallow and dropped into a pit of hyenas.

Don't steal my idea.

2009-10-01T12:10:00.004-06:00

Flucas : I'm going to make a new email rule that sends you a copy of the email any time you send me an email 12:02:28 PM
◄ echo echo echo echo 12:02:29 PM
◄ lol 12:02:53 PM
◄ if you make the same rule, we could probably crash the notes server. 12:02:57 PM
◄ 1. you send me email 12:03:08 PM
◄ 2. my email automatically sends copy 12:03:16 PM
◄ 3. your email automatically sends copy 12:03:21 PM
◄ 4. ad infinitum 12:03:35 PM

Captan : that sounds like a genius plan 12:03:43 PM

Flucas : make sur eyour email has a large attaachment 12:03:58 PM

Captan: like my idea for tattooing babies in the womb in such a way that the design appears as they grow 12:04:11 PM

Flucas: just like that 12:04:12 PM
◄ wut 12:04:27 PM

Captan: PATENT PENDING BEYOTCH. Don't steal my idea 12:04:31 PM
◄ hahahaha 12:04:38 PM

Flucas: you idea is full of wut 12:04:38 PM

Captan: it is a genius plan 12:04:53 PM

Flucas: no 12:04:55 PM
◄ it isn't 12:04:57 PM
◄ lol 12:05:25 PM

Captan: It's like reality TV, a terrible idea that people will flock to 12:06:27 PM

Flucas: *rubs chin*

I are uber super duper IT geek.

2009-10-01T09:22:00.002-06:00

Not really, but I was pretty impressed with myself because last night I disassembled my wife's laptop to put on new cover and hinge assembly, put it back together, and it still works!

And I am not getting paid for this, but if you are DIY inclined when it comes to electronics, and you have a Dell computer, I recommend parts-people.com.

Order placed September 26th, order shipped Sept. 28th, order received Sept. 30th with free UPS ground.

I got the LCD Cover with hinges and the front cover bezel. They tell you if it comes with screws or not. Also they sell individual screws of all sizes used on Dell laptops. They sell some gently used parts for even cheaper.

I am very happy! I have no idea how much Dell would have charged me if I sent it in (I don't have the extended coverage) or how much a local dude would charge, but I am sure it is more than I paid.

Ouch.

2009-10-01T07:16:00.005-06:00

Almost two months since my last post.
This is because I have hated my job so much I can think of almost nothing else.

Today I simply have a rant about insurance companies. Even people lucky enough to have insurance get fucked regularly.

I am taking a common anti-anxiety/antidepressant (SSRI) . It is a brand name drug so according to my insurance plan it is $35.00 each time I fill it.

Here is what my insurance company says:
"Retail Pharmacy Program:
• PPO: $10 generic/$35 formulary brand-name per prescription/50%
coinsurance ($45 minimum) for non-formulary brand-name drugs.
34-day maximum supply on initial prescription; up to 90 days for
refills with 3 copayments"

So it is $35.00 a month. No matter how much the drug costs, or how much you get -- as long as it is only a 34 day supply.

So my doctor, being the kind and generous person he is, gives me a script for 30 20mg tablets, which I then cut in half, so I have two months of pills for $35.00.

Well the insurance company got wise. Yesterday I went to get my meds and the girl said it was $70.00 WHAT!?
So she says, "Well is it probably your deductible." No, it isn't -- I don't have a deductible because all I get is meds and twice yearly Dr. visits... couldn't touch a normal deductible until halfway through the year. So she says "Well retail price is $104". Seriously? So I am paying $250 dollars a month for a savings of $34 on my meds!?

Wait, this is for two months worth, 60 days. So I am being charged two co-pays. If I was on twice the medication I would pay only $35.00. Right that makes sense. Oh, and actually it is only a savings of $17 per month for my $250. Cool. Thanks, Insurance. Gold star for you.

So really what is happening? Well the drug companies and the insurance companies and the pharmacies (as entities, not as the individual pharmacists) all get a little slice on this. The insurance company gives you a discounted price so you use the expensive drug the pharma companies make, but makes sure you pay every month for more pills, and the pharmacy gets more foot traffic for people coming in monthly. Win, win, win...until we get to the consumer.

Yes, I know, it is stupid for me to bitch about it. I am lucky to have a job and insurance. But remember this: I am saving 32% on my meds. And paying 12% of my salary for that.
Better to get one of those pharmacy savings cards, really.

Generic update for mid-August

2009-08-19T15:43:00.003-06:00

Well, today is WAC -- Wednesday Afternoon Club. Which means brewery day!
Summer is the best and worst. There are more people but also way more room because of the patio. I have to say I cannot wait until Odell Brewing gets their new building finished.

The two beers I have my sights on for tonight are Ze Bolshevik Beet Pale and Crimson Shenanigans. Crimson Shenanigans sounds like period sex to me, or something else only found on the Urban Dictionary. I hope it doesn't taste like either of those things.

I am really tired of my work life bleeding (oh, puns) into my "real life". This week one of my coworkers "realized" (I had mentioned it before) that I help out at my friend's bar. A bar she used to frequent. I watched it dawn on her that I know the same people she knows, the owners. And I know why she doesn't go there any more. Now she is acting all weird to me (we speak fairly frequently at work-- rather we did).

I am also completely STUPID, and have been for the last few weeks. I need to go back to my old hypervigilant, keep track of everything self.

Hit out on IE6, prepare to collect bounty.

2009-08-06T10:53:00.002-06:00

CNN has a story about web developers trying to crush IE6 out of existence so that the "Web can move forward." Where the hell is the web going? Faster porn? Downloading more iPhone apps?

I think that the developers should worry more about the quality of their product as far as actual content and usability, than whether they have a fucking Flash, Java, or wtf ever other kind of goddamn movie or script or interactive BS. People don't actually need those things, because 90% of the time they serve no purpose.

Besides, everyone who is in the know uses Firefox anyway. Even Mac users do, admit it.

Who less than threes Iowa? I do.

2009-07-23T11:57:00.004-06:00

I have decided that while I do not LOVE Iowa I can less-than-three it in a temporary internet-fickle kind of way. Like "I don't really know you but I am a friendly person and I like what your wrote there so I will <3>

So days 2-3: Day two was mostly about work. I kind of started to settle in, do some things rather than just follow like a puppy. Finally got my email setand the work laptop wrangled into submission. I set up some printers and other menial crap. After work I went to Olde Main Brewing for dinner and a delicious beer. I set my ambition too high, because not only did I not have dinner, I didn't get to find out if it was delicious beer. I was seated by the hostess and then ignored until I walked out 25 minutes later. I did read today that yesterday was some Zoo Brew event so maybe they were short staffed in the actual restaurant but seriously? How long does it take to get a drink order from one person? I wouldn't have cared about the wait if I had been sipping beer. Well, I will try again another night.

I stopped by the HyVee grocery store and got three things: candied ginger which was $3 for like half a pound (good deal!), "masala roasted chick peas", and a prepack salad from the deli. The chick peas were disappointing because they tasted heavily of sulphur. The ginger was okay, very spicy but not so much crystallized as heavily sugared. Some bitterness and skin on some pieces.

So I went back to the hotel, drank a cider, found out my kid was getting out of kid jail, had a long talk with my wife and had lousy sleep again.

Day 3 has been all about the food. Finally checked out the hotel breakfast, which was okay because of juice and coffee to-go cups. But lunch is Taco Time. I love Taco Time because when I was a kid and lived with my paternal grandparents every weekend was marked by a couple of important things. My grandfather had very specific food needs on the weekend. On Sunday it was 3pm popcorn from the big air popper, but Saturday for lunch it was two crisp bean burritos from the Taco Time down the hill. So today for lunch I got two crisp bean burritos and enjoyed the hell out of them.
Also stopped by the convenience store, where they sell 24oz soda bottles instead of the usual 20oz. So weird.

So tonight I may try some local flavor such as the Doolittle Prairie Walk. Or go back to my room and watch crap TV again for the 3rd night in a row with some Olde Main beer in a bottle from the convenience store next to my hotel.

Still a lot of corn and penises:

LATER on Day 3: Iowa just went up a lot in standing because I just got to see a whole bunch of little baby bison. Awwww... cuh-cute! I want to sqeeeeze them.

Iowa detail -- Day 1

2009-07-21T21:56:00.005-06:00

So this is Iowa. I get off the plane which was two hours late and can already feel the humidity.
The airport is tiny and easy to escape, and the car rental lady is very nice.

No one in Iowa seems to care that I am a big old queer.

I drive to Ames, find my hotel finally, then go out for a drive to see the sights and find dinner... also to get a bunch of crap I forgot.

I find the University and it is AWESOME. Well I really just love the trees and the buildings like the great red brick horse barn.

I drive around, finally run into an area with a lot of stores and hit the Big KMart for the things I forgot. Soda is really expensive here, and there are no liqour stores. Finally find a liquor store which informs me that all grocery stores and convenince stores sell booze. Ah.

A shining beacon of hope in the night.

I find a Taco John's (across from a Taco Time!) and return to the hotel.

The next morning I run to the work campus and figure out what the hell I will be doing all day, which is WALK. The square footage of the building is 11 football fields on 4 floors. Whew. There are also cool things like level 2 and 3 labs, which are empty so you can go in and look at them with no danger of contamination.

For lunch the boss of the customer service folks takes me to a great pizza place Great Plains Sauce and Dough. It should be called Great Plains Dough and Cheese because that is what most of the pizza is made of. TONS of cheese, on thick whole wheat or oat crust. I liked it quite a bit, and it was cheap. 2 slices and a coke set me back 5.66, with free soda refills.

We tour the main street a little and then head back to the campus. After work I go to cool down in my room then venture back out to look for the supposed gay bar, a big box store, and a proper grocery store. Gay bar is non-existent. Grocery store is odd, frozen food is NOT cheap here. The soda is still not cheap, which I figure is because of the deposit on bottles. The store brand soda makes me laugh.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaaaaaw!

Dear Bing...

2009-07-01T10:44:00.003-06:00

You are a piece of shit and here is why:

I am sure you are just as adequate as Yahoo! search or anything else. But my coworker wanted to search for something this morning so she went to GOOGLE and typed in BING. (Actually, she typed in "BLING", because your name is so stupid people cannot even remember it.)

Yeah. They are using Google to find you, Bing, which is kind of like using your TomTom to find a Garmin dealer. It is not quite a compliment.

We all have the perfectly functional items we use every day, that work really well, and we all have the new shiny things we try for a while because they were a gift, but turn out to not be all that great.

Sorry, Bing. You fail.

RSI and storms a brewin'.

2009-06-26T14:28:00.004-06:00

My right arm, the one I use to control my mouse all day, is going numb. From the fingers to the shoulder. I believe this is known as a Repetitive Stress Injury, or something like that. Crap.

I have NOT earned my pay today. I have wasted valuable tax dollars. Why? I have nothing to do. Our systems go down, everything screeches to a halt, and even when it is working again we have to go back and figure out whose fault it is that the thing broke in the first place.

I went out on our building's back patio and watched the huge thunderstorm roll in. We could see the eerie wall of clouds and the rain on the mountains in big grey flannel sheets, but it was still as the grave and hot and humid in town.

I have a terrible taste in my mouth. I need a wisdom tooth removed, a crown put on one tooth, fixed bridge for the other side of the mouth. Plus I am sure that half of my problem with taste is from quitting smoking. Nothing is how it was once before.

Which is one of those truths of life people relate constantly. The only thing that remains the same is change. Thank you, Melissa Etheridge, see you at New West fest.
So how do we embrace change?

This really has been a theme of my life for a few months now, I really started to notice it when I heard Robert Bly on the Prairie Home Companion several weeks ago.

THE SLIM FIR-SEEDS

The nimble oven bird, the dignity of pears,
The simplicity of oars, the imperishable
Engines inside slim fir-seeds, all of these
Hint how much we long for the impermanent
To be permanent. We want the hermit wren
To keep her eggs even during the Storm;
We want eternal oceans. But we are perishable;
Friends, we are salty, impermanent kingdoms.

--Robert Bly

Fail Day

2009-06-24T08:48:00.002-06:00

Walk into work to find that all our databases are down. Perfect for the one day in my life I will have people visiting ME specifically at work from another part of the fucking country.

I forgot this meeting so I am not dressed appropriately. I may have to go home and change at lunch. Here in No. Colorado, every day is casual Friday so I am wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and sandals. I would wear at least slacks and real shoes for this if I weren't such a moron. I can still use my long illness as an excuse.

So no email, all systems down. This is going to be a long day.

Back from the dead.

2009-06-22T12:41:00.002-06:00

So anyone who notices my facebook will know I was REALLY REALLY sick for the last 10 days.

I am not sure exactly what it was, the doctor said it was a “virus” of some kind, and that my chest x-ray was clear of pneumonia and TB. I got antibiotics (for the secondary bronchial infection) and an inhaler and some steroids and crap. I also got over a week at home in bed for the most part, breaking my back from all the coughing and gasping for air.

I had a lot of time to develop new hate for things I may not have otherwise noticed. Like “Whale Wars”, this asinine new show on Animal Planet channel.
I would just like to point out that Animal Planet is like the FOX or SPIKE of the “science-y” channels. Many of the shows on AP are of questionable educational or even entertainment value, and some of them are fraught with lies and sensationalism. Animal Cops is what I watch when allowed (which means “in the house alone sick for a week”).

I also have developed a deeper hatred of the vagina clowncar shows like “18 Kids and Counting” and “Jon & Kate Plus 8”. Frighteningly, the two most recent episodes *I* watched, one of each of these shows, had to do with the filming of the show and the lighting issues. WHO THE FUCK CARES, I want to see some Kate bitch smack-down on poor Jon, or watch the hi-jinks of the low-IQ fiancée of the next Duggar kid to get hitched. Actually I want blood. So I tune in for Clean Sweep at 3 AM and watch tiny-dicked men fight to keep their trophies from high school sports, when their dreams were not buried under their kid’s Lego and their wives’ Disney collectables.

Yesterday (Sunday) I finally left the house to go somewhere other than to the doctor. We went to IHOP. The employees there are the craziest bitches in the world. There is one woman who I swear never leaves. Ever. Every time I have been to IHOP in the last six years she has been there, no matter what time of day – 3AM after the bar, noon on a Sunday, 4 PM on a Wednesday…..ALWAYS THERE. This would be amazing if she didn’t suck so hard with her pretend friendship and calling people by name, but the wrong name, and assuming what you want because you frequently – like twice-- order the same thing.

Anyway, sitting watching the traffic go by, I see the craziest thing: A motorcycle with two passengers, pulling a trailer with a powder pink casket on it. Seriously. I meant to say “Whoa a pink coffin on a trailer behind a motorcycle!” but all I could say was “CORPSE!” – which really got attention from the family.

Back at work today. No one has really talked to me much, which is just fine. The day really drags when you feel weird still and are used to being asleep for 20 hours of the day. Also quitting smoking means no more smoke breaks, which means it feels like it should be 6PM instead of 1:30.

As soon as I get home, I think I am going to pass out for about 10 hours.

Wednesdays at the brewery.

2009-04-23T08:22:00.003-06:00

So my good friend MeezerManx as a cat with some health problems. Yesterday at lunch she said “I found a woman on Rav whose cat also has megacolon!” Our friend Flucas almost choked on his Whopper (that’s what she said). So we had to explain ‘megacolon’ and assert that it was indeed a real medical term. He found it hilarious, and weird that she was excited to find this other person with the same cat malady. He also said it sounded like the title of a porn. One he wouldn't rent, but would watch if it came on the TV.

On Wednesdays Flucas and I go out to the brewery after work, and often a bunch of people meet us. His BFF Nico and Nico’s fiancée Chris were there with dog Max.

Some crappy local band was sitting with Nico and Chris, and the trucker-stache and dred-beard douches were out in force.

Later L and J joined us. L is a vet student, and a bunch of her fellow students were at a table nearby. This girl whose whole being just screamed LOONEY came over and sat by Flucas and was chatting him up. Pretty soon another vet student woman, an athlete obviously by her sponsored ski jacket, and also a lesbian from her hair and awkward social manner, comes to chat Flucas up.Flucas attracts crazies, lesbians, old ladies, and jailbait.

So I go with L to smoke a cigarette and she tells me a story about Looney. Looney broke up with her boyfriend just before Christmas. About three weeks after that she said she was pregnant. She was drunk at a party and she also told everyone that she only ever had anal sex with her boyfriend, so she must have gotten pregnant from anal. This girl is a VET STUDENT, FULL RIDE scholarship! Anyway, she also tells me the Looney and Looneyboyfriend are back together and engaged.

So I tell Flucas “Hey, Looney is engaged.”

Flucas: “What a twunt! Well that was a waste of $4.”

Me: “YOU BOUGHT HER A BEER!? You are a twunt!”

Flucas: “It was Nico’s idea.He’s the twunt.”

Me: “Well she also claims she got pregnant from anal.”

Flucas: “So she is a stupid twunt!”

Me: “You’re the one who bought her a beer.”

Flucas: “Well I thought I would get anal!”

*die laughing

Flucas: “So she is having an ass baby? A shit baby? You’re not pregnant you’re just constipated!”

Me: “ SHE HAS …. MEGACOLON!”

We did not stop laughing for like, well we are still laughing.

Don't forget Charlie

2009-04-08T09:19:00.000-06:00

Charlie

I just can't get enough of this video, even years later.

Dramatic reading.

2009-03-09T14:20:00.004-06:00

So there is this meme thing, YTMND. It is not something I can really explain, JFGI and you can get the history yourself.

Anyway, some of it is really stupid and gross like most of the internet. There are some jewels in there, though.

Here are a few of my favorites. Mostly safe for work (No nekkid people. Maybe some swears. Headphones or close the door, because they have audio.)

Dramatic reading.

Who will kill you?

Soup is good food.

Here in Duckburg.

Get it on.

and for the advanced meme followers:
Medieval.

Tubular.

and to add knitting content:

And Knitting.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time.

Keith Urban.

Knitting and flying -- PSA

2009-03-06T14:45:00.002-07:00

So many many people out there ask about taking knitting needles on the plane. I have flow from Denver to San Diego and back, Denver to Vegas and back, Denver to Twin Falls, ID and back -- each time with knitting on board in my carry-on.

Here is the TSA link for rules on knitting needles in carry-on bags.

Notice the caveat about each agent having determination power.

Also remember that you can CHECK an entire suitcase full of knives if you like. So if you must have long metal needles for something, put them in a checked bag, and take a small project on bamboo circs for carry-on. Everyone needs more hats.

Influenza B

2009-02-23T09:13:00.005-07:00

So the kid was sick last Wednesday. Thursday he went back to school and all seemed okay. Friday he called me and come home from school with dizziness, sore throat, high fever...I was fearing strep or mono. We went to the doc and they shoved a swab up his nose (FAR up the nose...eep!) and thested for flu. Sure enough, Influenza strain B...the less scary one. Affects humans and seals. So as long as he doesn't make out with any seals, I think we are okay.

In related news I am feeling pretty light-headed today, but I can't decide if it is from drinking too much Saturday night, or from not sleeping well last night (the wife was on emergency and up and down for calls all night), or if I have the flu.

Last night we went out to Rodizio, which is a small chain Brazilian restaurant that brings skewers of meat to your table and carves it onto your plate. It was really good, but I didn't care for the mahi-mahi very much. Dry little chunks of fish. Bleh. I liked the sweet and spicy chicken, but the best were the different types of beef. Sirloin and garlic crusted and tri-tip. All bloody rare, as I like it. The salad bar was good -- hard boiled quail eggs that were a little rubbery, but nice marinated tomatoes, and a cucmber salad, and mashed potatoes and black beans and collard greens, both with sausage or bacon. Not really a place for vegetarians obviously.

OH! The appetizers were these weird cheese things...well there were little cheese empanadas, and then these cheesy little rice things, and then these popover things that were all cheesy inside that I want about a ton of to eat all day long.

Yum.

How to do internet research.

2009-02-09T12:09:00.000-07:00

SO, if for some reason like me you want to know things about people without asking them directly, you can find out things about them on the internet. This is not illegal because you are just reading the stuff they throw out in internetworldland.
Sometimes people get a little too relaxed about what they put on the internet, so this is also a guide as to how you can prevent others from stalking you. I am using myself as an example so the innocent remain unmolested.

JFGI: just fucking google it. Google is your best friend. Even I am on Google now, which I wasn’t for many many years. Don’t get complicated. Just put in the info you have like “knottybear knit” and go from there. If you try that you will see the whole first page is actually stuff I have put out on the internet including a defunct blog I forgot I set up. Sweet, even googling yourself is a learning experience.

Get smart about URLs: If your URL for a site is “http://blahblah/username/profile” then you can search for any other username in the same format. This can give you access to things even when the main page is shut down. So if I have the url for my rav posts of “http://www.ravelry.com/people/knottybear/threads” I can find other people’s posts pretty easily.

Be subtle: People with less that desirable behavior are already sneaky. You know they are googling themselves and trolling the net to see who is talking about them. If you are looking for info and don’t want to tip people off, don’t post “Where is knottybear she ripped me off” in every internet forum across the planet. See what google turns up and go from there.

Follow the breadcrumbs, and your hunches: If two social networking sites have a profile with the same picture of a guy in a sombrero taken in Cabo, chances are it is the same person – or mutual friend. Reading back through profile comments often gleans gems of info, and more places to look and things to google. Oh, see, knottybear referenced a myspace profile in one of her posts. I can see what that says about her and her evil ways. Oh MySpace says she has a facebook to, and here is a handy link to that profile. Oh ZOMG her gf is my husbands ex-brother in law’s second wife!!!

Also learn about IP addresses. Some places actually track and publish your IP address next to your comments. Same IP address = same computer. So if your “friend” is posting for you from your computer at your house… well, yeah right!

Anyway, there is a start. No need to clamor for privates massage, or be caught out in a slander charge. Gather your info before you go forth into legal and/or internet shaming action.

The Official Portrait. Finally.

2009-01-15T15:59:00.002-07:00

We who work in Federal Government buildings have been wondering when they will change the photo of the president which hangs in our lobbies. Obviously it is a process which involves the approval of the official portrait, printing and framing them all, and sending them out. Here is the picture we will look at for the next four years.

Craigslist

2009-01-07T13:40:00.002-07:00

Dear craigslist users,

craigslist is free. It is not like a classified in the paper, where you pay for every word or line. Feel free to use entire words, spelled out, as many as you want!

You wrote:

i have a handicapped w/c bound grdtr who keeps getting out of her toddler bed..medicaid has denied our multiple attempts to get her a hosp bed with side rails.her physical therapist suggested the day bed scenario..if it has three sides it can be turned the open side is towards the wall.believe me the older shde gets the more urgent to get her a new bed...

Let me help. Please.

Version 1:

I have a handicapped wheelchair-bound granddaughter who keeps getting out of her toddler bed. Medicaid has denied our multiple attempts to get her a hospital bed with side rails. Her physical therapist suggested the day bed scenario; if it has three sides it can be turned open side toward the wall. Believe me, the older she gets the more urgent to get her a new bed.

Version 2:

Wanted: Bed for active toddler with special needs. My granddaughter has physical limitations that require her to use a wheelchair, but she is still a energetic little girl. Looking for a suitable bed with side rails to keep her safe. Medicaid is not able to help up at this time. If you have a daybed or hospital-type bed you are willing to donate, please let us know. Thanks!

Version 3:

Lazy family cant keep kid tied up, give us a cage-bed so we don't have to watch her so closely anymore. She gets stronger every day and is beginning to chew through the ropes.

Okay the last one is a bit much, but seriously? My kid climbed out of his toddler bed and wreaked havoc on our house. HE WAS A TODDLER. That's what they do. I woke up to him sharing a tub of margarine with the dog.

And if the kid is wheel-chair bound, how is she able to escape? I need more info here, people.

Knitting meme!

2009-01-06T15:33:00.002-07:00

Mark with bold the things you have knit at least once,
with italics the ones you plan to do sometime, and leave the rest.

Afghan
I-cord
Garter stitch
Knitting with metal wire
Shawl
Stockinette stitch
Socks: top-down
Socks: toe-up
Knitting with camel yarn (not a particular goal but if I got some of course I would)
Mittens: Cuff-up
Mittens: Tip-down
Hat
Knitting with silk
Moebius band knitting
Participating in a KAL (if HatAttacks count!)
Sweater
Drop stitch patterns
Knitting with recycled/secondhand yarn
Slip stitch patterns
Knitting with banana fiber yarn (see camel above)
Domino knitting (modular knitting) (is this like granny squares? not sure what this is either)
Twisted stitch patterns (if it comes up, I will do it)
Knitting with bamboo yarn
Two end knitting (?)
Charity knitting
Knitting with soy yarn
Cardigan
Toy/doll clothing
Knitting with circular needles
Knitting with your own handspun yarn
Slippers
Graffiti knitting (knitting items on, or to be left on the street)

Continental knitting
Designing knitted garments
Cable stitch patterns
Lace patterns
Publishing a knitting book
Scarf
Teaching a child to knit
American/English knitting (as opposed to continental)
Knitting to make money
Button holes
Knitting with alpaca
Fair Isle knitting
Norwegian knitting
Dyeing with plant colors
Knitting items for a wedding
Household items (dishcloths, washcloths, tea cozies…)
Knitting socks (or other small tubular items) on two circulars
Olympic knitting (well kind of did but didnt finish:P)

Knitting with someone else’s handspun yarn
Knitting with DPNs
Holiday related knitting
Teaching a male how to knit
Bobbles (ick...but again for the right pattern, why not?)
Knitting for a living (Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha*gasp*hahahahahaha)
Knitting with cotton
Knitting smocking (this sounds not good...)
Dyeing yarn
Steeks

Knitting art
Fulling/felting
Knitting with wool
Textured knitting
Kitchener BO
Purses/bags
Knitting with beads
Swatching
Long Tail CO
Entrelac
Knitting and purling backwards (I don't know what this means exactly...)
Machine knitting (Ugh)
Knitting with self-patterning/self-striping/variegating yarn
Stuffed toys
Baby items
Knitting with cashmere
Darning
Jewelry
Knitting with synthetic yarn
Writing a pattern
Gloves
Intarsia
Knitting with linen
Knitting for preemies (If I need to!)
Tubular CO (?)
Freeform knitting (sans pattern or is this art pieces?)
Short rows
Cuffs/fingerless mitts/arm warmers
Pillows
Knitting a pattern from an online knitting magazine
Rug (Yeah right.)
Knitting on a loom (: /)
Thrummed knitting
Knitting a gift
Knitting for pets
Shrug/bolero/poncho
Knitting with dog/cat hair
Hair accessories (maybe a snood....hmmm)
Knitting in public

With the right pattern and tools I cannot imagine there is something I wouldn't try to knit, or a fiber or technique I wouldn't try at least once. My first completed item was a cabled hat, so I am not scared!

I love the 80's

2008-12-31T15:34:00.004-07:00

This American Life brought me this story:

"I don't wanna be a company man. I wanna be an entrepreneur and own my own business because I feel that's the only real way to get rich."

That's Russell, a 19yr old, small town mall T-Mobile kiosk employee. His fiancee is a roller-skating Sonic ("The Ultimate Drink Stop!" she says) waitress. Her name is Chandler. Really.
They have an apartment together, and a new puppy. She won't go to college because she can't afford it and hates debt and he does not believe in college.

No, that was not 20 years ago, that was TWO WEEKS AGO.

By now she is dropping Route 66 size Ocean Waters because she is weak from the morning sickness, and he is staring at Victoria's Secret storefront and contemplating banging the girl from Steak Escape. A year from now they will be living with one of their sets of "estranged" parents, with their new baby 'Trayfe' celebrating his first Christmas wearing Bristol Palin's new line of kids clothes for Wal-Mart.

Or they will move to Nashville, or Memphis, or out of Tennessee altogether and become young urban professionals in New York or L.A. AH! Does it come full circle?

Remember Dennis Hopper in Flashback? "When we get out of the 80's, the 90's are going to make the 60's look like the 50's!" Now we have to go back to the 80's? Gag me with a spoon.

Two in the pink....

2008-11-14T09:08:00.004-07:00

Here is a picture, straight from the White House web site. No, really I have the link down there too.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2008/11/images/20081112_d-0077-5-515h.html

This is the Arizona State University Men's and Women's track team. Throwing the shocker with the President. And here we thought Bush was not hip.

Actually while I was writing this my coworker came over and I showed this to him. He told me that they throw this as a sign of the pitchfork their mascot carries. Meet Sparky the Sun Devil:

Whatever. They got the President to do the shocker. Well played, ASU. Well played.

Your title here.

2008-11-05T10:23:00.002-07:00

Can't think right. Colorado finally is a blue state. Musgrave finally lost. I cannot believe it but we just elected a black Democrat named Barack Hussein Obama as President of the United States of American. I can type the name of my state and my country without cringing and without irony. Thank you everyone for making this possible, for showing up to vote, and for choosing the. America, finally, fuck yeah.

When you vote, DO IT RIGHT!

2008-10-28T07:56:00.006-06:00

Hey guys, it has come to my attention that some of you slackers out there aren't voting correctly. I am not talking about WHO you vote for , or HOW (like mail-in, or early, or on Tuesday), and am talking about lack of completion.

I know this is a tense and exciting time for all of us and some people have the attention span of a fruit fly, but seriously. Local issues and LOCAL POLITICIANS are just as important, nay MORE important than your Presidential hanging chad. Seriously, who do you think actually spends money in the United States Government? HINT: It's not the Vice President or the President. It's CONGRESS! They decide almost everything! Yes, the President has veto power, but hey if you took any government class you know that even the veto is not the end of the line. The Congress has the ability to override veto! Did you know that? Well you should! Because if you don't vote for your Senators (the Senate half of Congress, each state has TWO) or your Representative (the House of Representatives half, sometimes just called "the House" which does not mean the White House you dumbasses, and each state has a number based on their population.) then you are giving up MOST of your voting power!

Example: I live in Colorado. We have two Senators (of course) and one is Republican and one is Democratic. I think that is a good balance since we only get two.

We have seven Representatives*. Four are Dems, 3 GOP. This is a little more complicated because the districts are made roughly by population**. So the greater Denver Metro area, Boulder, and resorts (Summit County) have FIVE of the seven districts. The other two districts cover like 80% of the land area of Colorado. So if you live in Rangely or Craig, Grand Junction or Durango, you all have the same Rep (District 3). Fort Collins and Sterling and Buena Vista have the same Rep (District 4). Which means that a lot of the time, you could end up being represented by someone you don't agree with politically.

Alaska, Delaware, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Vermont and Wyoming -- you only have to vote for one Representative! So it is EVEN MORE IMPERATIVE that you vote. Three people is all you get to make your say in Congress.

SO VOTE! For all of the people on the ballot! For all of the measures!!! The Blue Book has plain langauge, do some research, check out the pros and cons of different mill levys and tax increases. If you don't want more taxes, VOTE THAT WAY! If you want better schools, VOTE THAT WAY! If you want anything VOTE FOR IT! You don't live in the White House, and you live under State Law first! The fifty American states are separate sovereigns with their own state constitutions and state governments, so this is IMPORTANT.

Please don't mark your Presidential ticket and leave the rest unvoted. You are doing yourself, your kids, your dog, your cat, your roads, your drinking laws, your abortion statutes, your education funding, your gambling, your water, your sewage, your police department, all a disservice. For or against, vote what you believe. Or else shut the fuck up. The President is not the be all and end all of our laws and politics. They don't decide whether we get new buses versus new jails. YOU DO.

*You can only vote for the Rep of the District in which you live.
** well not really always by population, for more on this subject check out the term "gerrymandering".

Clickety good times!

2008-10-15T16:01:00.003-06:00

Mouse around, hover on stuff, try clicking the same thing more than once, you know the drill..... Drill baby drill!

http://www.palinaspresident.com/

WWMBVF? Who would Murphy Brown vote for?

2008-10-08T10:44:00.014-06:00

I did not watch the debates last night. I have already made up my mind. Even if Obama goes Pro-Life, or "freebases kittens in the lobby of the Hoover building"* nothing will make me vote for McCain.

The economy is now officially in the toilet, but honestly it has just been getting worse and worse for the past 4-8 years. Food prices, gas prices, medication....I know about inflation, prices always go up. But 10 years ago we had zero unemployment in this state. Or 1-2% which is basically zero for realistic purposes. Taco Bell was offering $30,00 a year for Managers to start and had no takers. Now even skilled people cannot find a job worth their while.

When I was a receptionist in 1997, I felt ELATED to get a job making $6.50/hr. Ten years later everything has doubled in price but receptionists make $8.50/hr. Houses that were worth a quarter million are listing at $175,000 -- 25% off, people! -- and those are the 'good' loans where people actually had the money to pay for it.

Yeah, then war and shit gas prices and lazy crooked contractors, and that was just inside OUR house. The country was also going to crap! I know, I know, every generation something something...

So let's go back even earlier in my awareness, to Bush I. Remember Dan Quayle? Anyone? He was roundly mocked by public and media alike. Some people thought he was "hot". Younger, attractive, dumb as a rock. Maybe we should ask Governor Palin how she feels about Murphy Brown. I am serious, what about the women that are making different choices? I would have to guess that the writers would make Ms. Brown a rabid Hillary supporter. But it may surprise us, like it surprises me to hear women around me -- strong, professional women-- say that Sarah Palin is a real "go-getter".

I will not minimize Governor Palin's successes as a politician in Alaska, but I do not believe she is for women's rights in the grand meaning of the word. She is like the women I work with who have a full time high-pressure job, two kids, and a husband that is not only useless but abusive. They work three times as hard to cling tenuously to the edge of the glass ceiling. They kiss ass all day long. And what if they looked like poor Sheila Frahm instead of like Tina Faye? Trust me, they get overlooked.

Why? Well my opinion is because there are no cracks in the glass ceiling and they are not really trying to make them. How can you be pro-life, anti-welfare, anti-immigration, against gay rights, and still say you support women? How can you be for big business, against education funding, support actions and politicians that send our men AND WOMEN soldiers far away to die and leave their children parentless and still claim you want the best for your daughter? Force her to marry a thug and birth an unwanted baby because "God" says so?

My fear is that at the best we will have a White House divided, as Palin does not seem to be falling well in line with her party unless it is post-gaffe. At worst McCain could die at any moment and we would have Sarah Palin as the figurehead of our country. That makes me want to create the worst mixed metaphor even invented, something about a bull, a candy store, a kid, a china shop, and a prom dress. The mind boggles at how NOT GOOD "Palin for Prez" sounds.

But wait! What if she had a kind, motherly figure, strong and compassionate, experienced and emotive, not sexy but not Janet Reno, to guide her in her navigation of the most powerful office on earth? That's right. Palin/Cinton 2008! All the big cat families will be happy. It's just so crazy it just might work.

For now, check out the funny (by drew (toothpastefordinner.com) and natalie (nataliedee.com)):

http://mccaincomics.com/

*Thanks to commenter at passiveaggressive.com

Bang and Blame

2008-10-06T15:20:00.007-06:00

So last night an episode of Closed Case had an R.E.M. song at the end of it. I was singing along, and my brain apparently thought that it was interesting enough to go through a large portion of the R.E.M. catalogue while I slept. I woke up with "Half A World Away" in my head. Of course the only way to defeat ear worms is to listen to the actual song. So I went on an all day R.E.M. kick which made me realize I am depressed.

So I go through a weird seasonal affect/school phobia thing when fall comes on. Like "Oh crap, summer is over, everything is about to suck for six months!" I do not like Christmas. I get all anxious when I have to travel in snow and of course holiday family gatherings are always a pain, no matter whose family it is (well maybe not your family but I don't want my wife to think I am picking on her). Over the river and through the woods is all fine and good but through Kansas, Oklahoma, and Texas is a little much. Over the pass and through the blizzard to fights and crises we go.

School was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I hated school from 6th grade on. I was smart and I loved to learn but I was all weird and nerdy and fat (so the same as I am now). People picked on me and I fought with teachers and resented busy-work.
Even thinking about it now is giving me a sick feeling.

Maybe because that is how I feel about work now. As if I am such the outcast and low person in the hierarchy. I never wanted to be popular. I just know I have talent and I want people to like me because I am good at things that I do, and an asset to my workplace, not because our kids both have the same first name and ADD. I have friends to like me for my wit and conversation. I have friends to talk about politics and religion and why. I do not want to talk to my coworkers about any of that. My life is way different from what I have heard others express and I am so fucking TIRED of explaining myself to people that I don't even like that much!

It just feels unfair that I have to show up for worthless meetings, stupid lunches, lame going-away parties, donate money for "gifts". No shit, someone solicited money from me to buy a dude a Nintendo DS as a going away gift. For him to play while he was on a SAILBOAT for four months, not working and sailing across the PACIFIC OCEAN. Um, how about I give you $20 to eat shit.

My best friend here at work left our group to work in another group. There was a party on the weekend at the house of my current boss. I was NOT INVITED. Because she (my boss) could not invite me and exclude all her other employees.

So as you can see it is like high school here. I don't get invited to cool kid parties, do a lot of work that is ignored until I stop giving a shit, get picked on or "talked to " because I don't play well with others.

They say things like "no matter where you go, there you are". Obviously the common denominator is me. I feel like I have made great efforts to change how I am since high school. I have worked hard, gone to college, raised a kid, had some relationships, got on some meds, sucked it up a lot and found myself not much better off in many ways. I mean it could certainly be worse. But core happiness with myself and my job is non-existant.

The good news is I got a truck. Kel bought it for me.
Meet Clifford:

The dogs like it too:

Rabbit rabbit rabbit

2008-10-01T09:24:00.004-06:00

Well here we are on October 1. I forgot to call my mom on her birthday yesterday. I suck.
The reason is that I went home, did the dishes, made some pasta and then had a small temper tantrum. It's okay, only the dogs saw and they are used to it.

Then I played a little WoW until I had to call in to my job. As a release manager when they deploy crap you have to check up on these code monkeys and make sure they are okay. So we have a call at six, for something that was supposed to take 30 min and started at 5. Of course it is not done, which is the way of computers. Not done at 7, or 8, but finally at 9pm it was done, and at 9:45 the shakedown testing was finished and I got the final call of the night.

Bah.

I still don't have a car, but I am really thinking about just not getting one. I have a couple of serviceable bikes in my yard which just need a tune and new tires. Much cheaper than a car and I need to exercise anyway. I just don't want to have to settle for some twenty-year-old POS truck because there is not a lot out there right now in the way of affordable Toyotas. The ones I have seen are fugly or too expensive.

Check it out,
This beauty could be yours for only $3000. Wow.

And this could be a nice truck, except the color is a little overwhelming:

Apparently the guy got a good deal on yellow paint because had also had this to offer:

Well, I could have gotten some Krylon and painted it myself, you really didn't have to go to all that trouble....

And this gem is only $800, they couldn't be bothered to take a full size picture, and if this is what they show, one wonders what they are hiding:

"the blazer is located at my parents house"

They are only hiding the fact that you have to drive to the middle of their property to the stock tank to get it. Oh wait: " hit bad on the passenger side door and fender which also broke the right side of the ifs so MUST BE TOWED" I see, so it "Still starts up and runs good every time with no leaks anywhere ever" but the frame is hashed. So useless.

Anyway I am just angry. I hate cars. I am buying a horse.

2008-09-19T13:03:00.002-06:00

Stolen From a Raveler's Rav post/LJ:

“So this morning I opened up my email and found yet ANOTHER forward from a woman who keeps forwarding me anti-Obama stuff. First few times I was like “I think you have the wrong email.” And she would come back with “Well, I’m not perfect!” But it’s not stopped. So this morning, I found this:

Subject: Take PBS survey on Palin - Let’s turn this around

Do this survey, click link below, one question, takes one second, let’s turn
this PBS on their ear…..send to your friends….

Let’s turn this around!!!

Friends,

PBS has a short video on Sarah Palin on their website. Also included is a
poll that asks: Is Sarah Palin qualified to be VP?

I logged on a few minutes ago and 33% percent had voted YES, 67% NO.

Let’s turn this around….. You don’t have to give your name or email
address in order to vote. It’s very simple.

PBS hates conservatives————

Here’s the link:

http://www.pbs.org/now/polls/poll-435.html”

So do what she says, folks! Go vote for the survey, send this to all of your friends, direct them back here to the link, whatever.

For the sake of repetition, here’s the poll again: http://www.pbs.org/now/polls/poll-435.html

I email her back with “Thanks! I put my “No” vote in, and forwarded it to all my friends!”

So, kids, now it is here and yes it is one of those idiotic things that means NOTHING. but if you are so inclined, click a radio button.

Hurricane hits home.

2008-09-12T14:37:00.004-06:00

So my mom is enduring her first Hurricane this weekend. She moved to Texas a couple of years ago, but this is the first time the storms have really come directly across where she lives.

See the "A" in that picture? that is close to where my mom's house is.

In other news, there is no other news. No baby yet, still working on the same knitting projects, still down on my job. I do think I have a cold though.

Actually some news it that I tried my knitty knobby and it works fine but is BORING. And more hurty than regular knitting.

Never talk politics when you are hungry....

2008-09-10T11:31:00.002-06:00

Or is it never talk lunch when you are politicking?

Captan DAMNIT WHEN IS LUNCH 10:45:52 AM

◄ lohahaha

◄ where shall we go? 10:46:00 AM

Flucas now I hope 10:46:07 AM

◄ is julio joining us? 10:46:22 AM

Captan she is out alll damn week --still in vegas 10:46:29 AM

Flucas what a lame ass 10:46:31 AM

◄ :D 10:46:34 AM

Captan I knowit! 10:46:36 AM

Flucas I am just jealous 10:46:41 AM

Captan hee 10:47:02 AM

Flucas the king might work 10:47:09 AM

Captan I am down with the king 10:47:41 AM

Flucas we are decided then. See, democracy

does work...ouch, I just bit my tongue 10:47:55 AM

Captan HAHAHAHHAHAH 10:48:25 AM

◄ oh btw I am going to need 15 billion dollars to

subsidise going to lunch for those that cannot afford it 10:48:28 AM

◄ like me 10:48:50 AM

◄And to declare war on Qdoba for infringing on the

rights of the king 10:49:14 AM

Flucas the king is a backstabbing thief.

Haven't you seen the latest blogs? 10:49:20 AM

Captan Hahahhaa 10:49:37 AM

◄ Still he has the fries that we need and Qdoba

does not so we will side with him 10:50:08 AM

◄hopefully Qdoba does not sue the king 10:50:08 AM

Flucas I'm a flip flopper anyway. I will denounce the

king until it is time to eat 10:50:13 AM

Captan HAHAHAHA 10:50:14 AM

◄nice 10:50:23 AM

Flucas thanks :) 10:50:32 AM

◄ think John Stewart is hiring? 10:50:53 AM

Captan be careful tv adds 15 lbs lol 10:51:18 AM

Flucas well, if we could ban the damn king,

I wouldn't be obese now would I?

Down with the King!!! 10:51:23 AM

◄ Is it lunch time yet? 10:51:36 AM

Captan Indeed let us go before there is a lunch coup 10:51:42 AM

Flucas kgo

Crappy weather and some other crap.

2008-09-08T12:01:00.003-06:00

So today is a shitty day in Colorado. Julia and Stacey are on their way to Vegas, to the warm sun. I am watching their cats in the sad 45 degree rainy crap weather we are having. Don't get me wrong I love the cats.

Speaking of cats we got the ClayPaws from little Bob yesterday. And the call that her ashes are ready. Poor kitty. We miss her.

WoWing too much altogether but it helped the mean and depressed this weekend. I wish I was playing now so I could help the mean and depressed at work.

We tore up the carpet in the kitchen this weekend and attempted to wash the glue-covered wood floor beneath. I am still hacking up the dust. Too bad the wood is not in any condition to refinish, it would be nice to have wood throughout. As it is we are putting down vinyl tile. As soon as that is begun we will get the new stove and our kitchen will be quite a bit nicer! Then the cabinet refinishing and tada~ house we are not in hate with.

I was really on a roll this past week with buying yarn and knitting stuff. Labor Day was %50 off at the Goodwill and Savers so I got a few bags of yarn and some needles (Boye Alum. but for $0.25 a set, hey.) I also bought this creature call a knitting knobby. I am not really sure how to use it yet. It seems unnecessarily complicated, even more so than just knitting some damn iCord.
I got som tiny crochet hooks to go with the thread I got from the craigslist lot, and now just need to figure out what to make!

I bought my Therapi yarn at My Sister Knits for Hat Attack 2 -- I am not quite as excited as I was for the first one, but I am getting there. I opted for some nice colors instead of hideous ones, because I want death to hurt the ego, not the eyes. Plus with a nice yarn, why make something they will hate?

I wanted to buy more stuff but I didn't really have the money. I was especially looking at the books, but did not see any that really made me go 'wow'. I am also refusing to start anything new other than HA2 until I finish the 10 unfinished projects I have in the works.

Gloves went pretty well up to the actual fingers, and then I was thwarted by just trying to read the pattern. Baby blanket was going okay until I took it to the stupid 'parent education" classes at my kid's high school (that's another show) and now I look at it and think of desk chairs and transactional analysis. Toilet paper scarf just needs to be finished and go as a gift to someone. It is just boring and has ginger tea on it. Panties (Mon Petit Chou) are stopped at the beginning because I was distracted by all kinds of things like baby and whatnot. Jacob's red and yellow hammer and sickle scarf hurts my eyes and is going to be painfully boring when I am past the design. The two crochets creatures are there because I am guilty about working on them before the other things. Kelley's socks? I am ashamed deeply. I must finish those.

So that is the bleh blog. Carry on.

Wow, WoW.

2008-08-27T10:47:00.008-06:00

So I finally caved in. No, I have not seen Titanic (NEVAR!). I started playing World of Warcraft.
I know, I know. Mock me all you want. I was sucked in by my friends Julia and Stacey, who were sucked in by their friend Claire (she's a knitter so it's cool.) I didn't want to do it but I got this new computer and all, so I needed to test it's capabilities. Haha.

Anyway, for any geeks that play reading this:

Stomperbears
Draenor
Night Elf Hunter lvl 85
Guild: Dropped Stitches

So I have hinted at it a few places....

2008-08-12T22:03:00.002-06:00

but you should know that our oldest kid is having a baby.

His girlfriend is actually HAVING the baby. He is 19, she is 20. Baby due September 30, yes we found out about 1 month ago.

Touched by a strangelet.

2008-08-07T16:00:00.002-06:00

I was just informed that they are starting the Large Hadron Collider at midnight. This is like the "dry run" of this thing which as you know is a particle accelerator designed to make atoms go smashy-smashy. Well, I am not a physicist but you get the idea. You may have heard of it in the "Da Vinci Code" predecessor book "Angels and Demons" (Dan Brown was not in line to be assassinated by the pope for that book so it was not popular), but you probably just saw the movie like an idiot and never even read, because if you did you would have known that this freaking collider thing was happening and warned me already!!!!! But don't worry, the Angels and Demons movie will be out next year and then everyone will be like "oh yeah, the LHC, totally" UNLESS WE ARE ALL SUCKED INTO A MICRO BLACK HOLE. Or touched inappropriately by a strangelet.

"Concerns have been raised regarding the safety of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) on the grounds that high-energy particle collisions performed in the LHC might produce dangerous phenomena, including micro black holes, strangelets, vacuum bubbles and magnetic monopoles."

Anyway, have fun. OH -- forgot to mention it is mainly contained within France. Which means midnight is in 26 minutes. Enjoy.

http://lhc.web.cern.ch/lhc/News.htm

If you had a mini black hole, would the singularity be a few inches away from the opening? So you could mess with the cat by throwing her into it and she would appear like a foot away?

Concert Nostalgia

2008-07-15T09:48:00.003-06:00

So I was reading a forum on Ravelry -- All About the 80's group. They were talking about their first concert and it ranged from Amy Grant to Bon Jovi , with all the usual other U2 and crap thrown in.

I don't really know what my FIRST concert was but I am certain it was some weird hippie thing my parents took me to.

My first concert I actually remember was Crosby, Stills, & Nash. I saw them at Park West when I was like 11 -- so 1987? I also saw another concert that summer which I think was REO Speedwagon? Anyway, that was a little bizarre -- at CSN this drunk lady told me she wanted to take me home and I could be her daughter. Yeeeeahhh....no.

My first concert that I really was excited to see, that I chose to go to was R.E.M. on the Green tour. That must have been '89. I was with my dad and step-mom, and the show was in Salt Lake City -- at the Salt Palace maybe. I was in the 8th grade, and all my friends listened to crap like Vanilla Ice or Metallica. I wore that freaking tshirt for nine years straight.

I haven't been to as many concerts as some, because I am a big wuss when it comes to loud noise. But I did make it to a very memorable Nine Inch Nails concert with the Jim Rose Circus and Marilyn Manson opening. The spewing liquid from a three foot fake dick was certainly MM's high point. Plus, I totally blame Jim Rose for pushing my circus fetish up into my forebrain.

I took my Mom to the unforgettable Bob Dylan/Paul Simon concert where they sang "I Walk the Line" together. Some people actually after Bob Dylan was done playing, which I found odd, I mean the tickets were like 75$ and that was back in the day....

I saw the Rolling Stones at Mile High. I sat behind a pole. I was with my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, and the father of my child. Ugh. I finally moved waaay down at the side of the stage and got within like 100 yards of Skeletor -- I mean Mick Jagger.

Of course there was the crappy Sheryl Crow show, featuring insulting the patrons in Billings, MT. She was so drunk she couldn't even remember the words to that song with the car wash in it. Look Sheryl, don't play a county fair and fuck it up. These people will not be satisfied with just getting their money back. Watch yourself.

Most of my best shows were at Red Rocks of course. Chieftans like five times with a variety of guests like Michelle Shocked, some Scottish punk band (Oi Polloi?), Sinead O'Connor...
Indigo Girls with Spearhead was awesome, singing "Midnight Train to Georgia."
k.d. lang was great as well. The venue really pumps up the show a LOT. And it is outdoors so a lot less noisy. And way more rain soaked. And the beer is still a million dollars.

My gayness is showing so I may as well bring it all the way home:

I have seen the Pet Shop Boys twice. Both times I was woefully the fat lesbian/fag hag in the crowd of twinks, but hey, I was like 10 years older than ANY of them so it was good. I could drink in the intermission. Eat it, you snarky little twats.

I saw Elton John in Laramie, Wyoming for a Matthew Sheppard benefit, which was the most surreal thing that had happened to me in a long time. Aside from the anti-gay epithets from drunk guys in the parking lot who were on their way INTO the show, it seemed a success.

I saw Tribe 8 at Michigan Women's Music Festival, and Jill Sobule, and Jane LeCroy. All fun and crazy shows. Jill Sobule was poorly attended because she played too early in the day. All the cranky old dykes in the "scent free zone" were awake all night chaperoning the men who run the sewage truck and all the young cranky dykes snuck off the land at 5:30 AM to go to the Village Inn in Ludington for some meat and coffee.

As much as I don't like indoor concerts, the Spearhead concert at Starlight was the best ever --- because my hot wife totally came on to me at that concert! I am a lucky bastard. Thanks Michael Franti! On second thought I could have just been really fucked up from the contact high and she wasn't coming on to me, but she accepted my crude advances anyway.

Panties!

2008-07-15T08:29:00.003-06:00

So I started the knit panties from the Mon Petit Chou patten off knitty. These are knit with a cotton/elastic yarn -- either Cascade Fixation or elann.com Esprit, not sure what others exist.

So far so good -- the elastic yarn is hard to knit with because I am constantly concerned about the tension. I am sure I have it too tight all the time, so of course by the end of it I will have blue whale size panties because I kept my gauge too loose.

I am using the Esprit in Wine colorway. These are for the upcoming "paddlecon" as Ed calls it. Not for me to wear -- for Kel.

Other things I want to make are these fishnets also from the knitty site and some "opera gloves" which have lacing up the back. I doubt I will finish before Thunder since I have been a lame non-finisher of things lately.

I have a dishcloth, two scarves, a amigurumi monkey, an amigurumi turtle, an amigurumi ninja, and a pair of socks to finish. In addition to these new panties.

FAC from the dead!

2008-07-11T09:10:00.002-06:00

Hey ya'll -- short notice here, but what the heck, it is FAC TIME!!
AA is in town and here mystical self will grace us with her presence tonight!

Surfside! 6ish! DO IT!

DOOOOOOOOO EEEEEEEEEEEET!

Oh and happy free slurpee day. Thanks anner!

Unscheduled outage.

2008-06-20T12:35:00.002-06:00

So I am listening to "Answer Me This" podcast. Julia introduced me and it is quite funny British trio that answer any questions listeners send in.

One thing they mentioned was Alderny Airport, where they have a knit-while-you-wait corner, and all knit squares are used to make blankets for charity.

I think this is a great idea but I think that it would drive me nuts. I would always wonder if my square was good enough. Or did it make it into a blanket? Did someone use it as a nappy for their baby? Did it get blown or thrown away? Does the custodian steal a few of these for personal use?

Did Miss Aguilera really call herself "X-tina" for awhile? Wow, I really am learning a lot from Answer Me This. I also am so super duper excited about this new book I got yesterday called Creepy Cute Crochet. I am halfway through a tiny Cthulhu already!

Also I found a really weird convergence of things relating to not wanting children -- some stuff on another podcast (kinky) some stuff on Ravelry (wierd!) and some other thing that I ran across through Stumble Upon or something. After reading these sites I was weirded out.

Some of these people are downright crazy about it. Now I totally support a person's choice to not have kids. I don't think they are weird for not wanting kids. A guy I work with had a vasectomy when he was quite young and has a bunch of cats he loves, and is about to get married and not have kids with his girlfriend, and I think it rocks. I don't even think they are weird for not wanting to hang out around kids or for wanting kids to behave in stores, etc. If I were them I would treat an unruly kid just like an unruly dog -- in fact I do.
But some of these people are really fruitcakes. I call bullshit on their stupid complaints. Yeah kids are dirty. So are dogs. So are lizards. So are cats. SO ARE ADULTS! Take a look at any "expose" about how gross hotel rooms are, public restrooms, etc. Little kids have the common cold and jelly, not Hepatitis and semen. So have fun pissing in the bar toilet, which hasn't been properly cleaned since the homeless dude bathed in there last week. Then worry about that woman sitting her kid on the counter. Think about it. Diapered baby ass = STD free.
Oh and the "children should be seen and not heard unless spoken to"? I will remember that next time you are prattering away about your period in the middle of Target you stupid cunt, or when your dog barks for four hours while you are banging that slag from the Pizza Hut, or when you try to serenade your true love at karaoke after six martinis. GAG.
I hate kids behind me at restaurants, I hate screaming babies in theatres and on airplanes -- EVERYONE DOES! EVEN PEOPLE WHO HAVE KIDS.
It is a big world with a lot of annoyances. Stand up for yourself. Tell people to get their screaming, dirty kid away from you. And then grow up and get a fucking clue that they are no more annoying than half the adults or dogs you will ever meet and a lot less lethal than either.

I also love how somehow these people think that kids are different today than "in their time". These douchebags are like 23. Which means that I babysat these pieces of shit and let me tell you what they were like: dirty shrieking bastards whose parents indulged them. Yeah, you.
So I support your choice to not have like or be around kids. Now shut the fuck up about it.

Whew. Sorry. I hate intolerance don't you?

I am a pest!

2008-06-05T13:43:00.003-06:00

I bothered Kel for like an hour yesterday going around Kohl's saying "This is crochet." and "This is knit." about all the ass-crap handbags they had there.

Oh I also got this yesterday:

That's right, bishes, the LG enV2. It is totally awesome. I love the 'read my texts without opening it' feature and how it makes Collapse look as good as it is on my computer! I love how it has a 4GB microSD! This thing is almost as good as my danga-dang iPod. Now don't be coming around asking for money because you think I am rich-- this was free with my 2yr upgrade plan.

Oh, i am also back on my meds so I will probably be nicer. Or less lethal at least. Alliteration!

Swap is AWESOME!

2008-06-03T09:13:00.004-06:00

Okay I got both the packages from my SWAP partners! I am inundated with cool stuff:

Hailing from the northlands Minnesota, my World Wide Knit In Public Day (June 14th ya'll) swap partner, TwiNkQ, sent a great knitting bag she made herself, and some lovely yarn, knitting needles, and a CD with great music in addition to the patterns.

The bag as you can see, has a BEAR on it, and PIRATE-y skull and crossbones butttons!!!

For the Mystery Theme Swap, my swap partner Hreow from Scotland sent a massive amount of yarn, of hemp, linen, and Blue Faced Leicester wool! Plus Sensational Knitted Socks by Charlene Schurch!

Also since the theme was Scotland, she included some beautiful books about Scotland, and the yarn appears to be all locally made.

So, swapping is totally worth it~
You give cool stuff and you get cool stuff!

Anxiety is an unusual thing.

2008-05-23T12:57:00.002-06:00

I take some medication for anxiety. Yes, you goddamn hippies, I participate in better living through chemistry. If I don't, I hurt people.

Well through a long process of losing crap like I do sometimes (always paperwork, and the important stuff too. I put it where I will "always know where it is" and then forget.), I managed to lose the prescription my doctor wrote me a few months ago. I lost it because he wrote it a month early and so I put it somewhere and now I can't find the damn thing. My doctor will not write me a new one. So I have no meds.

How this affects you:

Well I am more grumpy. More angry. More likely to hate you on sight. I also have these mini-anxiety attacks -- I don't really know what else to call them. I don't freak out and go all crazy or pass out like Tony Soprano, or not at least so you would notice. In fact I could be having one AT ANY TIME and you would never know it. I might scowl more than usual.

My anxiety has gotten worse as I have gotten older, maybe because i have lost my youthful bravado and devil-may-care attitude. I think we all start to worry more about getting injured, about making a social or career blunder, about the consequences of our actions. Of course I will still do stupid crap often enough. My anxiety kicks in when I least expect it.

An example:
I went to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, which is in Colorado Springs of course. In their new Rocky Mountain Wild exhibit the have a large tower which is supposed to be similar to a Forest Service lookout tower. I am not afraid of heights. I go on water slides, roller coasters, the Space Needle, the Rims, the Colorado National Monument, etc. This day I climbed these stairs (made of that metal with holes in it -- but the molded kind not the pultruded kind), I felt a surge of adrenaline -- and not in a good way. (Actually is adrenaline ever good? Isn't endorphin = good, adrenaline = bad. Damn you A&P.) I was scred! What?! I am not scared of anything! But no, I was not scared per se, just having an anxiety attack. Why? Who the hell knows?

My advice to you: Keep away from me. No, really, and if you come close bring yarn, fishing tackle, or other awesome gifts with you. For your own sake, really.

Also, I do not think knitting helps unless it is very quiet and no one is distracting me.

Schmolitics.

2008-05-16T22:06:00.008-06:00

NOTE: This is not to tell anyone who to support or vote for, but be forewarned I will be displaying my personal preference of Presidential candidate in the context of describing my experience at my State Democratic Convention. I also talk about my fellow gays disparagingly, and I use some foul language. Suck it up and deal.

So an uneventful drive to the Springs and a nice relaxing lunch at Chili's near the Team American World Arena where the convention will be held did not prepare us for the drama of the "Early registration." The misleading text in the delegate instructions reads "Arrive any time between 1 and 7 pm", which makes it sound like a casual stroll into the hotel, check in with a sweet-faced volunteer, get some buttons and other stuff, get out of there. Woo!

NO.

It turned out to be a frighteningly long line which I am guessing was about 4 or 5 miles from beginning to end. The wait was approximately 4 hours. Mostly it was "Vote for me as delegate." and "Here, have a button for this candidate -- who I know you support because of the 119 other buttons you have already." or "Where is the bathroom? Where is the check in? Is this really the line? How do we get to the restaurant?"
At one point they (clarification: "they" is whoever the heck is in charge of the event and the volunteers, which was apparently a half-deaf wood rat with an utter disregard for humanity, time management, and structure) decided to pull one congressional district out of the main line for special processing because that CD needed to be at their 4:00pm meeting on time.

The members of that CD left and of course the line moved quite rapidly forward. The gaggle of us that had been standing together chugged forward, happy for a change of scenery. As we moved past a seating area in the hotel lobby, two women got up from the cushy leather couch they were lounging on, strolled over in their prissy pseudo-dyke outfits and got in line in front of us.

I was stunned. I have never in the 24 hours since I was watching the line in front of Wash bar seen such brazen "line cutting". From adults participating in their political process no less.

I asked the women politely if they were with the woman ahead of us. They ignored me. So I touched the shoulder of the "leader" of the two (she was the leader because she had short spiky blondish hair and was actually wearing her jacket, the other was nondescript and draped her jacket over her arm -- just so you know the cues) and asked her again if they were with the woman in front of us. She said no, that they were just in line. I remarked that we had previously been right behind the woman in the cowboy hat and now suddenly we were not. The "lead bitch" said unironically "We were sitting on a sofa over there and we got up when we noticed the line was starting to move." I said "I can see that, but we have been waiting two hours in this line and you can't just come in here and stand in front of us." Lead Bitch said "Well fine, sweetheart, you just go ahead!" in her snottiest Bitch voice and PUSHED ME. Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaah. She said "I have severe arthritis in my back!" I said in my best AlphaNoYouDidNotJustTouchMeBitch voice "I Don't Give A FUCK About Your Arthritis, SWEETHEART. SHE (pointing to my partner) has arthritis in her neck. If you are so crippled you need to get a WHEELCHAIR. I don't give a SHIT but you are not cutting here." The OmegaTwat (I am assuming it was Lead Bitch's partner) decides to defend her mate and pipe up with her little yip of "She has arthritis in her neck too!" As if that was relevant to anything. I said " I still don't give a shit."

At this point Lead Bitch squawked some more about something which I totally ignored and they walked away TOWARD THE FRONT OF THE LINE! They were going to cut in front of someone closer the the front of the line! I was of course stating this observation as loudly as I could to the people who had been staring at us ever since I dropped the F-bomb in the middle of what should have been a civilized gathering. Once Lead Bitch and OmegaTwat realized every Democratic delegate in earshot was staring at them they petulantly stomped and huffed toward the back of the line, I am sure to cut in front of some 72 year-old lady or a war veteran with one leg and burn scars all over his body who had been waiting in line for hours NOT SITTING ON THEIR ASSES WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO SEND THEM AN ENGRAVED INVITATION TO THE POLITICAL PARTY.

Ah. That felt good.

So anyway, more "news":

Janet Napolitano will be at the convention tomorrow. And a Clinton staffer, not sure who -- can't remember the name.

So no Clinton or Obama.
Federico Pena is at the assembly tonight.

As of this writing, they are still convened.

WTF are they doing you ask? According to the Denver Post:
"The purpose of the Democratic state convention, which runs through Saturday, is to pick the final delegates to the national convention, firm up the party's platform, nominate congressional candidates and put Mark Udall on the ballot as the party's lone U.S. Senate candidate."
So there you go. I am not a delegate, just one of the supporters who polices the queuing of delegates. Oh, plus I bring Jolly Ranchers, chocolate, and cold Red Bull.
And I helped make this sign: (pic forthcoming)

Party on Democrats. On this day we rule the World Arena.

barack obama

It IS the rabbit!

2008-05-15T15:57:00.000-06:00

**DEATH COMES POSTAGE DUE**
It seemed like a typical boring Thursday at the US Department of Agriculture, but at 12:08 PM MDT, knottybear received a life-changing package from the mail dude at her office building. Despite the fact that it had been x-ray scanned and allowed entrance into a secure government facility, no Homeland Security officer or TSA screener could know the true sinister nature of the box so disarmingly sealed with purple duct tape. Even someone trained in animal disease surveillance like knottybear, who has read the Foreign Animal Disease manual every year for the last three years, and worked with such insidious characters as Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (aka Mad Cow disease), Tuberculosis, Avian Influenza (aka Bird Flu), and Johnes (which has no aka because no one has even heard of it in the first place) -- even this learned person was no match for what was in this parcel.

Knottybear had questioned Mail Dude earlier in the day about parcels, so she was not surprised when Mail Dude called at 11:56 to say a package was waiting for her. Mail Dude and knottybear joked lightly about the fact that a slight difference in zip code had caused the package to go to many Denver suburbs before finally making it's way to Northern Colorado, with 47 cents due on the postage. It is now thought that the strong mystical powers of the contents caused confusion and obfuscation that few mail carriers can overcome without certain powerful charms and rituals.

The nearly weightless package was opened at knottybear's desk, while a co-worker looked on. After some awkward fumbling with a cluttered desk, the duct tape was sliced with a T-pin and the following images chronicle the ensuing horror, which no words can convey.

*Dealing With The Aftermath*

"It was kind of bizarre," said a coworker who wishes to remain anonymous.
"I did take some pictures on my cell phone, because I thought I might post it on you tube or something. You know, with "Don't Fear The Reaper" playing over a photo montage. Something that really captures the moment."
When asked, the coworker said that no, knottybear did not seem brave in the face of death, and the she "went down like a palm tree in a hurricane and cried like a b!t@h the entire time" the massacre was happening.

The creature, which was described by witnesses as "a cross between a rabbit and a toothy afghan", is still on the loose.

knottybear is survived by her dozens of useless cube decorations which include some foam animals, some pirate decorations, a Harry Potter calendar, and a drawing she made on the whiteboard of a suspicious llama.

Actually the foam animals have likely been pillaged by her co-workers by now.

Some crap.

2008-05-13T13:25:00.006-06:00

I am predicting the appearance of odd deep-sea dwellers on the shores of Asian countries soon. Remember how there was that tidal wave in 2004, then in Jan/Feb 2007 there was the frilled shark AND the goblin shark within days of each other. Plus: "In 2003, more than a hundred goblin sharks were caught off the northwest coast of Taiwan, an area in which they have previously not been found. Reportedly, the sharks were caught a short time after an earthquake occurred in the area." -- Wikipedia

So China earthquake + Myanmar Cyclone = Japanese dudes catching the weirdest creatures in the sea.

This weirds me out. I think that it means something, like it is the end times or something --- when the sea monsters start coming up to play.

Here is the sappy and belated Mother's Day portion. While my child is now 14 years old and a surly, hulking, man-child, he was once upon a time a cute leetle baby.
Witness:

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Look at the cute smile and the eyelashes and the teddybear jammies!

After awhile things went bad:

Notice the unkempt hair, the savage countenance, the thuggish apparel. Oh the shins he could destroy.

It got better once:

See how he almost smiled? And is well dressed and clean. Yeah it was a wedding. Later he put tool-shaped confetti in his sparkling apple juice then choked on it and threw up.

He has morphed into a cynical surly beast that is all 'emo' when at the beach:

Anyway, happy Mom's day late everyone. Hope your kid remembered!
And remember! Strap on your vorpal sword, the creepy crawlies are rising from the deep!!

Pure crochet taste of sweet crochet bring a pleasure.

2008-05-08T21:21:00.003-06:00

So my tentative forays into amigurumi crochet have finally paid off.

I made a strawberry, a cupcake, and a little goldfish!

Creepy and impractical.

2008-04-16T20:00:00.003-06:00

The only thing that could be better is if it was made of really cheap acrylic.

Body -Laptop Interface

Knitter's Holiday Swap questionnaire

2008-04-14T22:01:00.001-06:00

I am a non-smoker, no one smokes in my house.

I have dogs and cats. Cat hair will be kept to the lowest possible amount, but you must know how that goes.

I am willing to mail internationally.

I like sweet and salty treats, chocolate and pecans are two of my favorite things, alone or together. I also love trying new exotic foods/candies of any kind so bring on the salty licorice!

I can’t say I do knit socks as I have not yet completed a pair but I am up for it. I use all sizes of needles but prefer smaller than US10. I love yarns of all kinds, soft wool is my fave but I am game to try any new thing – jelly, crustacean, even synthetics!

I like black and burgundy reds, mostly earthy colors in a subdued palette, and grey blues. I do not like pinks for the most part, or ‘neon’ bright colors.

My swap partner should know I am brave, adventurous, curious, creative, and determined! So send things that you love and want to share, because I am always willing to try something different.

Mystery Theme Swap questionnaire

2008-04-14T21:55:00.002-06:00

Questionnaire

1. Name: Bear
2. Mailing Address: Colorado (my swap partner will get the real deal)
3. Email: yeah...like I said...
4. Ravelry Id (if applicable): knottybear
5. Blog Address (if applicable): you're looking at it!
6. Do you knit or crochet? If both, what type of project would you prefer? both, prefer knit
7. What is your experience level? (i.e. are you a lace knitter extraordinaire, but a sock novice?) Advanced Beginner
8. Is there a particular type of pattern you would prefer? (sock, scarf, hat, etc.) Socks are an interest, but open to anything
9. Do you have any allergies that we need to be aware of? (animals, wool, chocolate, etc.) Nope!
10. Do you have pets? If so, what kind. Yes, Cats and dogs.
11. Do you smoke? Nope.
12. Do you have an online wish list you want to share with your partner? If so, what is the web address? no wish list -- Rav profile has a lot of info though
13. Are you willing to ship internationally? (Please keep in mind this will raise shipping costs) Yes.
14. Is this your first swap? Pretty much -- did hat attack but no actual swaps yet.
15. Are you willing to be a swap savior? Sure!
16. Theme suggestions (Please give at least 3) [examples: coffee, chocolate, bunnies, New York] Scotland, ocean, bears, bulls, pirates, fishing

17. In order for your partner to put together the best package they can, please give us a brief description of your likes and dislikes. [examples: favorite color, drink/goody preferences, fiber preferences]

I like both sweet and salty treats, chocolate and pecans are two of my favorite things, alone or together. I also love trying new exotic foods/candies of any kind so bring on the salty licorice!
I like black and burgundy reds, mostly earthy colors in a subdued palette, and grey blues. I do not like pinks for the most part, or 'neon' bright colors. I prefer natural fibers.
My swap partner should know I am brave, adventurous, curious, creative, and determined! So send things that you love and want to share, because I am always willing to try something different.

SWAPping goodness.

2008-04-14T21:24:00.003-06:00

I have joined a swap! (Actually two swaps!)

Some of you may remember by HAT ATTACK! experience, which I greatly enjoyed. Well I have decided to carry on with sending surprise things to strangers across the planet.

The difference from HAT ATTACK! is that your package is meant to bring joy to the recipient, not assassination. I know, it does seem contrary to my nature but I am going to give it a try.

Swap one: Knitter's Holiday Swap (LINK for those on Ravelry!) Great ongoing swap based on holidays of all kinds -- not just the major ones. Currently taking sign-ups for the World Knit in Public day!

Swap two: Mystery Theme Swap (Rav link, blog link) You suggest some themes, your partner interprets one of them in yarn and goodies.

I am excited to see what I get, and what I get to buy my swap partner!

For thoroughness sake, I am posting my questionnaires for both here.

Knitting.

2008-04-14T11:59:00.001-06:00

Well since there is not much FAC action, I am going to take this blog over for all my knitting information and other crafty whatsits. Maybe actually finish the kilt how-to thing. Because I miss making funny blogs -- I didn't know that I would.

R.I.P. FAC

2008-03-24T13:43:00.000-06:00

Well kids, I think that's all she wrote.

After a good long time, we are saying goodbye to our regularly scheduled FAC. I was hoping to make it to our two year anniversary at least, but it turns out we are just too disorganized, and losing a key organizer is going to hurt us even more. Thanks to all of you who participated over the many months. Stay tuned for occasional special event FAC notices (like the upcoming ABSOLUTE event, and the Prom, both in April.

Also stay tuned for humor! I am full of it!

Happy Belated Easter!

FROM BENTOBJECTS

FAC Goodbye

2008-03-21T09:10:00.000-06:00

“No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.”
-- Robert Southey

image: nataliedee.com

We all should know by now that AA is moving to Craig, and hopefully some of us will be there for her final send-off for FAC tonight.

image: icanhascheezburger.com

We will all miss her and she had better come visit a million times a year.

So as sappy as it may be, come to Coopersmith's tonight at around six-ish (Poolside) and have a beer and a slice and get your butt kicked at pool by AA before she has to drive over big mountain passes into the land of no martinis.

“The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour.” -- William James

image: nataliedee.com

“Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Mystical explanations are considered deep. The truth is that they are not even superficial.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche

And just because you thought you would get away without any politics, this image: toothpastefordinner.com

FAC-tulose

2008-03-14T14:34:00.000-06:00

So Julia's cat was very ill earlier this week. Lactulose is the name of a medication she has to take to help her go to the toilet, like Metamucil. Let's all wish the little Dag-nabbit a speedy recovery and wish Julia good luck with the 5X a day meds/feedings/diaper changes. She is getting ready for kids I guess? LOL!

(You know how I like rhyming things, hence the name of this week's FAC post!!)

So you all know I like to knit. And I am a huge geek. So I give you a picture of this guy:

This is Jim Carroll. You may know him as the author of the very popular book-turned-movie "The Basketball Diaries."

He is also a poet, a punk musician, and a knitter! "In fifty plus years, claims to have knitted more than 6,500 hats and scarves for nieces, nephews and coworkers."
Right on.

As far as I know Leo does not knit. There are pictures of Russell Crowe with knitting in his hands:

I don't think he actually knows how, though. You can add Lawrence Fishburne to the list of men who knit, as well as James Buchanan (15th President of the United States!).
If anyone ( male or female) wants to knit with me, let me know! I can teach!

OH! FAC! Well as you know, Mystical, our favorite unicorn, has galloped over the Rocky Mountains to seek her fortune! So I will go to O'dells Tap Room for one or two beers at 4:45ish I think, and then mosey on from there to the Surfside or something...all the while missing or prance-y friend!

"Anything a king gives twice is an Order."

2008-03-12T10:05:00.000-06:00

"If the king gives me a dead halibut, he has given me a dead halibut. If, next week, he gives you one, we are now Companions of the Halibut and I'm the principal."

(from Silverwing's Laws which relates to SCA but I just liked this "law" in particular.)

Oh, and try this geek test if you dare:

GEEK TEST

Check out my score (click to enlarge):

FAC minus

2008-03-07T08:08:00.000-07:00

Well here we are again, with a lame-ass FAC about to not happen. I think that we may just be all old and tired or something. Actually it is because YOU ALL are old and tired. I just don't want to go drink in the afternoon alone because it makes me look bad... I mean worse.

SO, I am going to go not drink at some Old Town bar by myself. Hahahah.

And now, pictures of everything I have ever knit.
Just kidding. But check out the cool knitting/crochet below:

From ART MOCO blog, yes he knit a Spiderman costume.

This Atari Breakout Pillow from Jackrabbit
-- where the Jackrabbit? -- on Etsy!

Can't afford iPhone? Have Grandma knit one for you!

Can't afford a Darth Vader costume? Crochet one!

Can't afford this Ferrari? Too bad! Hhahahaha!

Wait! Yes you can, just knit it yourself!
Yes it is fully hand knit!

Can't afford condoms? Well don't have sex. (Or get some for free at your local Planned Parenthood. w00t!)
But as a cute little safe-sex education tool or a funny gift, a knit condom:

WARNING: KNIT CONDOMS DO NOT PREVENT PREGNANCY OR THE TRANSMISSION OF STDs such as the HIV. So if you have a knitting kink, I suggest you wear a real condom under this, okay? Thanks have fun you crazy kids!

Bear "Ew is that lint?" Bonney

Postprandial "work".

2008-02-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

Maximiliano ok this is borderline obscene but when I look at things like stoneground 7 grain crackers 1:43:53 PM

◄ I think about how not much is going to change between how it looks now and how it will look in about 8 hours 1:44:01 PM

◄ makes me wonder what the point is 1:44:25 PM

Captan of it even passing through you is that what you meanb? 1:44:33 PM

◄ Yeah I know, same with corn 1:44:37 PM

Maximiliano yeah cause you can't chew that stuff up 1:44:40 PM

Captan no nutritional value 1:44:43 PM

Maximiliano your guts give up immediately 1:44:46 PM

Captan lol 1:44:51 PM

◄ may as well eat grass 1:44:52 PM

Maximiliano they're like um is that a rock? get it out of here. 1:44:57 PM

Captan hahha 1:44:57 PM

Maximiliano move along rocks, move along 1:45:30 PM

Captan WTF, are the eyes broken as well as the tongue? doesn't she know she's eating rocks? 1:45:40 PM

◄ send a message of protest 1:45:47 PM

◄ make it sound like a cramp 1:45:54 PM

Maximiliano ready and GO 1:46:40 PM

◄ and what is this about... my TINY milk carton says "Best if used within 7 days of opening" 1:46:54 PM

Captan well for pete's sake drink faster! 1:47:03 PM

Maximiliano yeah it should say that 1:47:15 PM

◄or "just drink it, seriously dude" 1:47:42 PM

◄it's going to taste like your refrigerator in 3 hours anyway 1:47:44 PM

Captan it's like Hey pathetic single person! I know you just bought this to put in your lonely morning coffee, but drink up, okay?! 1:47:57 PM

Maximiliano or buy the powder... GOSH 1:47:58 PM

◄HAHA 1:48:02 PM

Captan hahah 1:48:10 PM

Maximiliano ahhh we are funny 1:48:30 PM

Captan don't pretend you 'might need it for a reipe', we know you eat over the sink 1:48:35 PM

◄recipe

Maximiliano HAHAHAHA 1:48:39 PM

FAC intercalary

2008-02-28T07:46:00.000-07:00

2008 is special. It is a Leap Year. I am going to throw down some boring science-y stuff so you can understand WHY leap years exist. Pretty much stolen directly from Wikipedia: Adding an extra day to the calendar every four years compensates for the fact that a solar year is almost 6 hours longer than 365 days. Most years that are divisible by 4 are leap years. However, some exceptions to this rule are required since the duration of a solar year is slightly less than 365.25 days. Years which are divisible by 100 are not leap years, unless they are also divisible by 400, in which case they are leap years.^[1]^[2] For example, 1600 and 2000 were leap years, but 1700, 1800 and 1900 were not. Going forward, 2100, 2200, 2300, 2500, 2600, 2700, 2900, and 3000 will not be leap years, but 2400 and 2800 will be. By this rule, the average number of days per year will be 365 + 1/4 − 1/100 + 1/400 = 365.2425, which is 365 days, 5 hours, 49 minutes, and 12 seconds. *YAWN* Really the only people who give a crap about leap years are those poor saps who were born on February 29th. So let us acknowledge their suffering this Friday by having a great big old fun time at FAC!
Last week's FAC was quite fun. Even though I didn't go to Giant Panda, I am sure that was a blast as well. We celebrated Shots eleventh anniversary instead! Woo!

Here is a list of some people we will be remembering or celebrating on this day:

Jimmy Dorsey -- Big Band composer

Dinah Shore -- Actor, singer (come on out!)

Dennis Farina -- Actor (Law and Order Det. Fontana
and every other freaking cop show and movie)

Joss Ackland -- British Actor (was in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, which I am sure he is proud of, and said Demi Moore is "not very bright or talented".)

Patricia [Anne] McKillip, sci-fi author

Antonio Sabato, Jr. - Italian-born actor

Pedro Zamora, Cuban-born American AIDS activist (d. 1994) (you know -- Real World: San Francisco)

Ja Rule - Rapper and Actor

and a bunch of athletes and other people no one has ever heard of.

So if you know someone that has a Feb 29th birthday, you should treat them very well on Friday! Or spurn them and come to FAC.

SPEAKING OF FAC....

Some of my most loyal friends are leaving town this Friday right after work. So if you wanna FAC give me a call or send me an email, because I am kinda drifting around at the moment...
I will find something fun and if I do I will let ya'll know!

Lasagna and hairballs, spiders and Mondays...

2008-02-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

I used to LOVE Garfield, the cartoon cat when I was a kid. Was it because I was fat, loved lasagna, hated spiders, loved to sleep, and was terminally sarcastic? Maybe. Was it because I had good taste? NO.

I had stuffed Garfield in several sizes, Garfield figurines, Garfield pajamas, even a Garfield bedspread. I owned every book. In fact , since I have never thrown out, sold, or given away a single book in my life, I still have them. Next winter my art project will be to edit all the books as described at the garfield minus garfield site. Enjoy.

I mean really.

2008-02-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

This guy?
This guy will never get a second date.
Maybe not even a first date.
Unless his friends want to come over and hang out on his junk, which would be the most action he gets for a long time.
And the tattoo artist? Shame on them.
Shame, shame, shame.

Check this out:
I can only pray this is real.

FAC, how I missed ya.

2008-02-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

Hey there, you, FAC. I missed you so. The cheap beers, the early evening buzz that can ruin your whole Friday night, the bad food that does the same. The great friends and stupid quotes and conversations that seem brilliant after a stop at Elliot's. I miss garlic knots and pesto torta. Surly bartenders and awesome waitresses. Or vice versa.
Let's do this thing, 'kay?

Friday night. After 5:00. Surfside 7. Then who knows? Gin and lime enlightenment? Audio pleasure and microbrews? So many possibilities await us my old friend.

Perhaps we will plan our trip to ROLFcon ?!

What could be better than studying the social and financial impact of LOLcats and Tron Guy?

Well, going with someone like you, FAC. You're the best. Like Spock to my Kirk.

LOLtrek provided images! Click for the whole story.

Bear "Meme me up, Scotty" Bonney

Four day weekend for me, yo.

2008-02-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

< = nataliedee.com

Don't forget to come to the Birds Of A Feather Event on Friday!

fa'c shizzle my graphizzle

2008-02-11T13:44:00.001-07:00

Rap as Math

Whew, well I just spent a whole weekend thinking about nothing but one stupid hat!
Well, I take that back. It was probably the smartest hat ever, for sure it was smarter than me!
The hat is done with a series of cables that when interpreted from left to right represent the numbers from 0 to 15. In binary. HA!
So here is the way you read it: from bottom to top of the hat, no twist in a 'row' equals 0 (zero) and a twist in a 'row' equals a 1 (one). The hat has four applicable 'rows' (top to bottom) and sixteen 'columns' or cables (left to right).

The table explains the binary of the numbers from zero to ten.

Binary	Decimal
0	0
1	1
10	2
11	3
100	4
101	5
110	6
111	7
1000	8
1001	9
1010	1

I know, I know. Don't hate me.

Here are some pictures of the hat and an illustration of each of the numbers:

So 15 in binary is 1111, or four twists on the cable.
People are surprised that I knit until I show them things like this.

Now about FAC. I am no longer quite so poor. But there is NO FAC IN FC THIS WEEK. Why?
Well because of this:

I am working this thing! It will be like the other events, with some great performances, some awesome burlesque, aerial acts (hoops and sashes!), and a ton of great art. Come on down!

Crypto quote~ 01100001 = 'a'

Bear "01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01110011 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01110010 01101011 00101110 Next week we work on 1337 sp34k." Bonney

Real math.

2008-02-07T15:41:00.001-07:00

See more here at INDEXED!

FAC-not

2008-02-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, no FAC this week, I am too tired and disillusioned. Plus a lot of IMPORTANT people will be out of town and my bank account is like negative 1 million dollars right now because I am a MORAN.

Ha ha ha.

go here for moar fail.

http://www.shipmentoffail.com/

and
here

http://failblog.wordpress.com/

and here

http://www.flickr.com/photos/docpopular/sets/72157603833991164/

Bear “Don't bite the hand that stabs you in the back” Bonney

Caucus is not a dirty word!

2008-02-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll!

As you may know Colorado does not have a primary vote this year, it is only a caucus. What is a caucus you ask?
A caucus is the best way to SEE your vote in action! You go to the caucus site for your party and for your voting precinct. Find out where that is (for my local peeps) at
http://www.co.larimer.co.us/ -- click on the 2008 Presidential Caucus link. This is for all viable Presidential Candidates!!

When you get to the caucus site, you will see a corner of the room (like a gym or something) marked with the name of each of the candidates for that party. (Democrats and Republicans are in separate rooms). You go stand by the name of the candidate you want your party to choose for their official candidate. Depending on how many people your candidate has, they may be eligible for one or more delegates to represent them at their party's National Convention. The candidate that has the most delegates wins!

Get it? SHOW UP, your hopeful gets delegates, delegates get them the nomination, the get to be on the November ballot! YOU DID IT!

NOTE: You must be registered with the party you are caucusing for as of Dec. 5th, 2007. If not, you may attend as an observer or I encourage you to spread the word and maybe offer babysitting or rides to the caucus!
You can wear whatever buttons or shirts to support your candidate you want at the caucus, you can chant and sing and dance! you can plaster the whole corner of the room with banners and crepe paper! balloons! cookies! CIRCUS ANIMALS!
IT IS FUN, PEOPLE!

I guarantee that your candidate wants you there even if they haven't told you that yet. Come be a part of the process!

Bear "I am not registered with my party but I have caucus cookies for EVERYONE!" Bonney

How to eat lunch at your desk.

2008-02-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

Step one: you must get these tools
http://www.designboom.com/contest/view.php?contest_pk=21&item_pk=19812&p=1

Step two: Don't let anyone distract you so your food gets cold. Threaten them with your pen-knife. Get it?

Premature eFACulation.

2008-01-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll! I know it is way to early to think about FAC but I wanted to post about the Geek Bowl I went to this weekend, so you have to suffer.

Well we got 16th out of like 42 teams at the Geek Bowl 2008! (EDIT: Official score 87 POINTS!) Pretty good, seeing as some of the questions were like this:

Name the three people the face of E.T. was modeled after.

WTF? We had no clue.

The Fury sez this: "Ghandi, Estelle Getty, and Sammy Davis Jr. Final answer."

Which made WAY more sense than the real answer. And was funnier. In fact, I think if you just say "Estelle Getty" that is almost the funniest thing ever.

One of us did know that Ordinary People and Ferris Bueller's Day Off were both based in Chicago suburbs and could recognize the Millenium Dome on sight. He also happens to know the velocity of gravity -- which I will never stop talking about because I am so jealous. .
Another of us knew things like the director of the film that was put on hold due to Heath Ledger's death, and no guys, it was not the Batman movie, so forget even going there. He also recognized a sex scene from Sliver.
One of us knew the last word in the Hail Mary BEFORE 'amen'. One of us knew every freeaking song they played a guitar riff from, except the title for Van Halen's Eruption -- none of us got that.:( One of us knew Malcom Gladwell. NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WAS ME.

I am certain I added nothing to our 16th place finish. I knew a lot of stuff, of course, but nothing that no one else on the team knew.

Ah, well, maybe someday again I will reprise leaping out of my chair to whisper "CHESS!" into my teammate's ear, confident that I am right. And then sit down hard and fall backwards and hit my head on the floor. Good times.

I don't want to make it seem like I never had good knowledge. One night I won three free beers on bonus questions. Of course it was a night that I was not drinking. Knowledge of Monty Python, Marie Callendar, and Rainbow Bright will only get you so far.

Ah well, on to some photos (click any image to make it huger):

Geek Bowl logo, dude is running a 20-sided die:

And I think he is wearing a NASA diaper.
My team (Legion of Doom -- only 3 members represented) and The Frostys in Catholic drag, along with the Coopersmith's Quizmasters:

The GWD logo:

And their larger than life real dolls:

Popular trivia question: What are the names of the two old man heckler puppets that sit in the balcony on the Muppet Show? Remember at Geeks Who Drink there is no Google!

This is John Dicker and Joel Peach, founders of GWD, reading off the name of the $1000 First Place winners:

Let it be known to all that Dicker looks like the father of my child and no that is not a come-on, it is a SCIENTIFIC FACT.

We also met some "actual nerds from New Mexico" as advertised. They were cool geeks from team Captain Tightpants and they win constantly at Burt's Tiki Lounge in Albuquerque.

Last week I was craving Mexican food.
I am still craving delicious Mexican food. I had some pretty good stuff I made at home last Thursday, but it really doesn't compare to the real thing, so for FAC this week we are going to get dinner at Las Salsitas!

1010 S College Ave
Fort Collins, CO 80524

(970) 498-9400

lassalsitas.com

It is just South of IHOP, they share a parking lot. Go to the website and check out the menu, it is so good. I am having rellenos for sure, who knows what else. Here's the thing -- the tortillas are made fresh for your individual order. No shit. BUT they do not serve alcohol as far as I know. So your are gonna drink your cola and eat a delicious meal and then we will soberly make our way downtown to a place that does serve alcoholic beverages. EAT BEFORE YOU DRINK, wake up happy.

FAC for the poor

2008-01-25T09:19:00.000-07:00

Wow what a week. Isn't strange how a Monday holiday can make the week seem like 1000 years long?

When I was in the 5th grade I was in the Extended Enrichment Program, or Triple E, at my elementary school. It was an extra curricular for smart kids, like you got to do tangrams and watch four hours of Mr. Wizard and do the experiments along with the show. We did a lot of cool stuff, like went to the Future Problem Solvers competition and the like.
This scarred me for life. In more ways than one. True, it gave me a sense of superiority, an aloofness, and a penchant for tiny squares and rectangles of plastic. But it also gave a strong aversion for Cap'n Crunch.

If you do not know about Cap'n Crunch cereal, let me describe it. As if the horrible contraction in the name isn't enough, it is like eating a chunk of old concrete. If concrete was made out of rock and sugar. It looks innocent enough:

But after you eat it, your mouth is hamburger on the inside, like eating a club sandwich.

as you can see I totally stole the pic from some guy's Maximum Awesom e blog about how horrible Cap'Crunch is.

But my story has a special twist, one that comes well before the abrasions to the soft palate or the slimy coating the wet nuggets leave behind.

My story starts with the rat hair.
This is a rat (actually a very cute one):

Another rat, also very cute:

Notice how they both have a bunch of hair. And btw, rats are born loving Cap'n Crunch:

Well my 5th grade Triple E teacher, in her infinite wisdom, brought in a clump of Cap'n Crunch which appeared to have a large quantity of rat hair baked into it. Possibly it was a mouse, the whole thing, just entombed in sweet crunchy cement. Whatever, it was revolting.
She had contacted the Quaker Oats company and they said, in essence, here is coupon for your trouble, but the FDA allows Rodent filth: Average of 1 or more rodent hairs per 50 grams or something like that, sorry you got our yearly quota in your kid's Spiderman bowl. (Go to the FDA link for more info on contaminants in food.)

So I hate Cap'n Crunch. And Quaker tries to claim to be so healthy!

Well my lovely Kel has brought a box of the vile stuff into my house TWICE in the last month! I think she is trying to drive me away. Both the boys eat it, and so does she. I eat the delicious Oat Crunch Cheerios she bought me, and Puffed Kashi. I am sure neither of those cereals ever had rat hair in them. Only contaminated with tiny black helicopters:

photo credit lyle_zapato via zapatopi.net

Anyway, because of my cereal trauma, pun intended, and lack of funds in general, I will not be FAC-ing this week. I know some others are poor too (holiday bills finally rolling in and still at least a few days before the tax return can be filed). So stay tuned for next week's blog which will include exciting things like zombie armies, Geek Bowl 2008 results, and knitting assassins!

Bear "I guess Aunt Mabel didn't need a $94.00 lace shawl when she would have been happy with a $4.00 box of Almond Roca." Bonney

FAC post holiday let-down

2008-01-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

SERIOUSLY? Did I have to do that?! I hope no one was eating. (I had a much larger version of the picture at first so thank your lucky stars I shrank it...)

Anyway, my lungs are well enough to go to Coopersmith's Poolside to have a beer at 6PM for FAC.
Sorry this is so late, but the medication and illness is kinda eating my brain power.
Besides I was only at work yesterday and today.

How was the Holiday?

Christmas was typically anticlimactic for me this year. As I age I like Christmas less and less. Traditions fall by the wayside and it seems to hard to create your own or reconnect with the old ones. Finally my Mom is stable enough that maybe my kid's kids will have traditions again. Like driving to see the lights, or setting some cookies out for Santa or setting the tree on fire. Perhaps the time-honored blistering the tongue on the caramel or spilling molten praline on your kid sister will make a resurgence.
These are the things our children do not get, mostly because of cell phones, xbox, and plain old laziness. And the kids play xbox too!! Parents, put down the Guitar Hero and make some popcorn balls for Jesus' sake! Who cares if it is a fire hazard? LIVE A LITTLE! Make the kids clean up, half the fun of making candy is getting fiberglass-like sugar all over your body. So the cat has a fudge mohawk, who cares? At least they are feeding him.

Anyway, hope you all survived whatever you did, Happy new year and come see us at Coops tonight!!

Finally -- My dream come true!

2008-01-24T10:51:00.000-07:00

Found on craigslist today. I already have dibs on this so you can't have them! Nyah!
Now I just need to get an iPod which I can dedicate solely to bootleg hippie tapes, and one of those things that will allow me to play the cassettes--- whaddya callit? a cassette player? Oh yeah and one of those cords that goes to my Mac Book so that I can upload all the audio onto that and then to my iPod.... ONE AND A HALF DECADES OF STICKING TO THE MAN!

320+ Phish Tapes - $200

Reply to: sale-00000000@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-23, 11:40AM MST

I've got over 320 Phish shows from 1984 to 1999 on cassette that I need to get rid of. They're in great shape - each tape with it's own case and set list.

Location: effing rich hippieland
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I has a twitterfeed!

2008-01-23T23:39:00.000-07:00

I am papibear on twitter if you care to know. And twitter you should know I am bullybear.blogspot.com
Now this is feeding to twitter and it will be some crazy internet moebius strip.
Woot!

FAC -- now with more internet!!

2008-01-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

Hey FAC-ers!

I don't really have a blog, at least not the way some people have blogs, like they comment daily on the weather or the Avs or the politics or their dog or something. Or sometimes they just tell you how sad/sick/horrible/wonderful/sex-filled their life is.
I can't do that. BUT I was thinking about it, and the FAC email is kind of like my weekly blog, a thing that I inflict upon you with a higher purpose than just me spewing crap at you. (that purpose is for us to get together and socialize --- in case you couldn't figure it out.

SOOOOOOOOOO in an exciting turn of events, I have made an FAC blog!
I know, it is an unexpoected coup like Hillary winning New Hampshire. I am sure you all are stunned, especially after all my crying.

I have posted as many of the old FAC emails as blogs as I could already, and I will post all the old ones eventually, plus there are some bonus blogs on there, like a rant about Diet Coke, and a thing about the post office and a story that was for "Blog Like It's The End Of The World" day. You can even learn how to make a kilt. Really.

The cool thing about this is that you can get it from anywhere, you don't have to clutter up your email box, and if there happened to be, say, a SAN failure in the USDA building (I know, that would never happen, but WHAT IF!?) you could still know where the cool kids will be swilling beer!

Oh, what's that you say? What is the link??? Give it to you now, you cannot wait to read months and months of old FAC emails on government time!? Okay!

http://bullybear.blogspot.com/

Guess what? Some humorous images because I can......
Wait -- what? you also want to know where we are going for FAC? Hahahah.
Well this week I am going to a housewarming party on Friday in Denver, so no FAC.
UNLESS SOMEONE ELSE WANTS TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. hint hint.
The blog has comments too, so you can comment on any post.

Bear "Name changed to avoid ex-girlfriends" Bonney

Burn, FAC, burn.

2007-08-31T10:43:00.000-06:00

Some of you may have seen this already but the utopian art fest society which is burning man has been toppled:

http://laughingsquid.com/burning-man-set-on-fire-early-arson-is-to-blame/

Sadly nothing lasts forever, even the relatively good behavior of the burners.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! SOMEONE HAS TO GO AND RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE.
What this jack-monkey doesn't get is that burners will be further galvanized toward love and hope by this action, and even more people will be there next year.
I am sure fully half of the burners are like "What? what happened? I was totally dripping glow stick juice on my lobster car, what did I miss?!". This has no affect on them except to make for some fun rumors. Nice try saboteurs!

I must let you know I had a dream about being at Burning Man and it was super realistic. All I did was wander the desert looking for water and toilet paper. No, I know it is really fun and crazy and lots of people have a really great time. It is just not for me, as I am waaaaay more uptight than I pretend to be especially about washing my hands and not dying of dehydration.

One again a tangential rant about nothing gets in the way of my true purpose: FAC!!!!!!!!

I already know who is coming to FAC. I already know where we are going. So do you. If you are coming, you know it, and if you are then you know where it is. I won't bore the rest of you with the details. (Me, Luke?, Steven, AA @ Surfside 4:30ish -- you should join us!)
BUT YOU NEVER KNOW -- last week we ended up at Old Chicago! We could go anywhere! We are a bunch of wild and crazy guys (and gals). So show up for the complete randomness of it all.

I will bore you with some news of upcoming events:

No FAC for me on the 14th of September. I have to bartend. SOOOOOOOOOOOO if you want you can come to where I am bartending and have FAC with me as your surly bartender! How awesome is that!?

TRIVIA is still going on Friday at 8, at Choice City Shots!!!! I give away cool prizes and I am almost this funny in person! Come on down, bring your friends! Don't be afraid of the gay bar!
Check out a sample round from a couple weeks ago:

Hail to the Chief

1. Which of these US presidents was born in Texas? A) Dwight D Eisenhower B) George W Bush C) Ronald Reagan D) George H. W. Bush

The retreat known as Camp David is named after what 20th-century president’s grandson?

3. Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb?

What U.S. President was revealed to suffer hemorrhoids after Egyptian president Anwar Sadat mentioned them in a public plea for prayers?

5. Who is known as the “High Chief” of the Wu-Tang Clan? **“High Chief” is the alias of what Wu-Tang rapper?

6. "Hail to the Chief" is the official anthem of the President of the United States, the song accompanies the President at almost every public appearance. The U.S. Department of Defense it the official announcement music in 1954. What musical signifier of honor precedes this piece when played for the President?

That Sports round I promised you

1. Of the 41 Super Bowl games played to date, 36 of them have occurred in which month?

What tennis mogul was the Elton John song “Philadelphia Freedom” written for?

What famed baseball player had a bat known as Black Betsy, so called because of the countless splatters of tobacco juice?

Which of these professional sports leagues does NOT contain at least one Canadian team? A) MLB B) NHL C) NFL D) NBA

What is the official name of the mascot of the Cleveland Indians?

WFJF is the initial for the official organization for what obscure sport, played with two opponents standing face to face and grasping hands as if pointing and arm wrestling at the same time?
Kind of Science-y

1. Udden-Wentworth Scale is used by geologists to measure what?

2. Torino Impact Hazard Scale measures the risk of what natural disaster?

What part of the body is affected if you suffer from ‘bruxism’?

What is the only Great Lake that is NOT bordered by the stat of Michigan?

5. This fatal disease once found in Papua New Guinea is contracted from eating human brains – part of a native funereal ritual in which mourners would dismember and devour their newly deceased loved one.
6. In the 1970’s the traditional skull-and-crossbones poison symbol was replaced with a scowling, green character named what?

American-ia

Semper fidelis is the motto of which branch of the US military?

After only two months, what title was taken away from Suzette Charles in 1984?

Which of these comedians-turned-movie-stars was NOT born in Canada? A) Bill Murray B) Jim Carrey C) Mike Myers D) Dan Aykroyd
To save money for the war effort, Academy Award Oscar statuettes during WWII were made of what material?

Christopher Columbus captained which ship when he “discovered” American in 1492? A) Nina B) Pinta C) Santa Maria D) Mayflower

6. Baltimore’s historic Fort McHenry was constructed in what identifiable shape?
**Bonus question: What patriotic song was inspired by the flag flown above the fort in the war of 1812?

No More Kings

1. Bob Dylan wrote the song “It Ain’t Me Babe” for what folk singer?
2. Who was behind the wheel during the famous 1969 auto accident that killed Mary Jo Kopechne?
3. Who is the first character to die in Shakespeare's “Hamlet”?
4. In the movie The Queen starring Helen Mirren as Elizabeth II, it is said more than once that the position of being monarch of Great Britian killed her father. Who was her father?
5. What 17th century king is New York named after?
6. What play was being performed at London’s Globe Theatre when it burned down in 1613?

**Bonus: How many siblings does Heir Apparent to the Britsh crown Prince Charles have?** BONUS Bonus: Name them

Feel free to answer these and maybe I will give you a prize. Just remember that your stats may go down after two beers and without Google! LOL.
Yes I write or rephrase almost all these questions. A few are stolen verbatim from unnamed sources, but since I make NO MONEY from this I am okay with that.

Bear"Shut your mouth smartass" Bonney

Who likes FAC?!?!?!

2007-08-23T10:01:00.000-06:00

I DO! I DO!

Come celebrate school starting, or lament it as you wish, at THE SURFSIDE!

Surprise!

Friday at 5:00 ish. Come for the cheapo drinks, stay for the foul odor.
I actually have not been there in awhile (Sunday), so it will be nostalgic for me!!

We can share stories of our first week at school, how glad we are the (K-12) kids are back and/or how lame it is that the college students are back. We will bet on if there will be riots at the border war game, and how many alcohol related deaths will occur during this school year. Also, someone will tell me about fantasy football.

UPCOMING FUN TIMES: Of course after FAC is trivia (run by me) at Choice City Shots!!!!!!!! Fun prizes and the winner for the night gets a $20 bar tab....invite your friends! Starts at 8:00! I am this funny in person too!
Also at Choice City Shots: Wednesday night POKER is BACK! Woo!
I do not play poker but WOO anyway! I know it is fun for some of you!

What has happened this week?

Well you may know this guy:

That's Bob Murray, owner of the Utah Crandall Canyon Mine. He called the families of miners "totally irrational" this morning on NPR. He also said "I have men here that have hundreds and hundreds of years of mining experience. They never saw this before. The mountain is alive, it's a deadly mountain. I'm not going near it." (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=13866983)

I am going to presume he means their collective experience. Here is the mountain:

Looks pretty mellow, like most mountains. Not that the incident wasn't tragic, but they were digging into the mountain...and blowing up parts of it....and taking out the pillars of coal that were holding up the roof....
Now THIS mountain is ALIVE:

That is a mountain you do not mess with. It will melt your face off. It eats Gollums for breakfast. And it is the only way to destroy that infernal ring.
Here is another image, with it's little eyeball tower friend...

Here are some images of a mountain on fire in California:

That is an effing scary mountain.

This one is pretty deadly, but again, if you left it alone it would be much less lethal:

It has a part called the DEATH ZONE! DON"T CLIMB IT! It has claimed over 115 lives in the past century!

Death zone
Main article: Death zone
While conditions for any area classified as a death zone apply to Mount Everest (altitudes higher than 8,000 m), it is significantly more difficult for a climber to survive at the death zone on Mount Everest. Temperatures can dip to very low levels, resulting in frostbite of any body part exposed to the air. Because temperatures are so low, snow is well-frozen in certain areas and death by slipping and falling can also occur. High winds at these altitudes on Everest are also a potential threat to climbers. The atmospheric pressure at the top of Everest is about a third of sea level pressure, meaning there is about a third as much oxygen available to breathe as at sea level.[25]

To sum up, NATURE IS DANGEROUS. Do not expect to pillage Earth's resources without some repercussions. It is sad to lose a life but do NOT blame the mountain.

And happy brain cells create more branches, and they are called 'dendritic arbors'.

The number of dendritic arbors (more = happier) is %40 more in MIDDLE CLASS people than in LOWER CLASS people. Whoa. Difference between upper and middle? Negligible. Money = Happiness to a certain extent.

Bear "Diamonds on the soles of my shoes" Bonney

FAC feat. Chuttle

2007-08-16T09:43:00.000-06:00

Hey there FACers!

Recently there was a study that indicated a class division between MySpace and Facebook. Apparently since Facebook was just for college students originally all the Ivy League hopeful teens were quite eager to get on. Now that Facebook has opened up to all, those kids who are left on MySpace are the "lower classes". According to the study, reports of predators using MySpace to contact kids has also made parents leery. Hmm. As if no creepy-ass third year senior career student from Stanford could possibly prey on your 18 and younger kid on Facebook. And as if your 18 and younger kid isn't being preyed on by her or his peers already. Sheesh.

Anyway, go to LiveJournal. It is for smart people regardless of how rich their parents are. LOL.

Recently I had this request:
I do have two new "persons" for deletion. 123 - B***, Theo and
456 E******, Sausage Bob. We do and should have a prem for Bob E****** 0f 952 but should not have a person file of 456.

This guy was actually entered in a disease surveillance program as "Sausage Bob". I think nicknames should be mandatory for everyone. I also think it sucks that I only ever had nicknames from my parents and never from my friends. I guess I wasn't that cool. Or my friends weren't that cool. Anyway, my son started football and already half the kids have nicknames like "Noodle" and "Stripe" and "Uri Gobot" or something...
Once I tried to give myself a nickname, which never works because nicknames have to come about organically. Plus you will always choose some ridiculous thing for yourself, which is never how others see you.

Finally in HS I got a nickname. Of course I was in Knowledge Bowl, which is an extracurricular activity sometimes called Academic Team, and it is basically a TRIVIA game based on Jeopardy. You compete like Debate teams, with other teams in your state. Sadly my nickname reflected the face that I was a total freak with a penchant for wearing capes and carrying anachronistic accessories, while dabbling in Wicca and other occult teachings.

So as a reminder there will be no FAC this week in FC, so ya'll come down to Denver and see the show!

www.solidartcollective.com/divineintervention

There will be tons of art, performers, cool stuff!
$15 at the door
Show from 9 - 12 ish (they close at 2 like a bar I believe)
Oriental Theater
4335 W 44th Ave, Denver, CO
(303) 455-2124

Basically you can go WEST on 44th from Federal until you get to the theatre between Stuart and Tennyson on the N side of the street. From I-25 I believe it is the 38th exit, 38th to Federal, N on Federal to 44th, then W. From I-70 I think it is either Federal or Sheridan exit then W from Federal on 44th, East from Sheridan on 44th. PRETTY EASY!

My keyboard is filled with dirt and crumbs, and I was thinking about keyboards so here is some cool stuff I found:

Aluminum keyboard for Macs:

And some Cool Cakes --- here is the link: CAKE

Now go wash your keyboard!!! Let dry completely before plugging in!!!

Bear "The Cane Goddess" Bonney

FAC RIP?

2007-08-09T14:46:00.001-06:00

Well, I know some people are having a hard week, and some people are going camping after work on Friday and some of us have to do the whole running trivia at 8:00 on Friday, and some of you never show up, but just get these emails to see what crazy crap I came up with this week!

So FAC may be RIP for awhile. I am real busy.

What is going on with me you ask?

First of all, in order to further my education so I can eventually not work for the gov't I am going back to school! Yay school!

I am taking some art classes and a PL/SQL class which is actually training for my current job.
I am taking a class in Illustrator, and I will never ever make crud like this:

I am taking a painting class, because I am a good drawer but a lousy painter:

Just kidding -- I did not paint that. BUT speaking of PAINTINGS -- Did I mention Divine Intervention and how you all should come down to Denver on the night of the 17th to see the awesome show and actually see a painting I made?

Here is why I have to leave the gov't:

Haha. No, in all seriousness I will work for the gov't forever because it pays so well but eventually I want to make more art in a year than I make trips to the break room. More art = happier Berri.

So to also make me happier -- PL/SQL!

Guess what does not make me happy? Ants all over my book. WTF Oracle?

Ah, well, guess you have to remind the geeks that nature exists out there somewhere.

I must confess, the above is all lies. The only thing I will be doing for the next eleventy million hours is playing with my new toy:

YES, I KNOW the rest of the world has had iPod since the day it came out but mine was waaaaay cheaper and it is just as awesome.

I am etching a skull and X-bones into the back as we speak. With my eyes.

What else? Oh here is what the inside of a Nano looks like:

There is a new bar coming!!! How could I forget. As soon as they open FAC will be at Black Oak Publooneraunt thingy -- it is in Old Towne where Connor O'Neill's was. My friend Heather L. is going to be a bartender there! Huzzah!

So I will be at Choice City Shots Friday at like 7 PM for my FAC and triviaganza! Feel free to join me there!

I will have this in my dream home, only problem is, when you are listening to thrash metal the paper comes out really fast!

Bear "SeXXyKitteh19 is my name on the iPod fan boards, just kidding it is AcidGaze" Bonney

FAC of eight

2007-07-31T14:10:00.000-06:00

Hello FAC-ers!

Well it is August. It has been a couple of weeks since the last FAC -- what have you all been up to? Some of you may be going (back) to school pretty soon. I sure will. I am taking a couple of classes in addition to one class which qualifies as a work training. Which means I get school credit and work credit! Woo!

Here is some trivia for you: Next year the second Tuesday of August will be 08/08/08. Pretty cool, maybe not as cool as the kid who turned 8 yrs old on 08/08/88, but still. We should find a kid that will be 8 on 08/08/08 and throw them the biggest dang party ever.

World's funniest joke, as voted on by people from , well, around the world:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The article:
http://www.newscientisttech.com/article/dn2876.html%20l

Really you should read this one, too:

http://www.newscientist.com/channel/being-human/mg19426031.700-a-quirky-look-at-our-quirky-species.html

Hmmm... where was I? Ah yes! FAC!

So, I know some people are tired of the Surfside. I am not -- nor will I be for like six years. BUT I do want to accommodate some other people in their love for other bars or for variety. I am sending this SURVEY out to YOU! PLEASE RESPOND if you give a flip at all about where we go for FAC, because if not it will default to Surfside until I get bored.

1) Do you want to go to a different bar than Surfside this week?

2) If yes to #1, which bar or bars?

3) Did your answer for #2 include any of the following: Washington's, Zydeco's, Hodi's or Suite 182?

4) If yes to #3 please change your answer for #2.

5) Does the bar you chose have food?

6) Does it have any really cool features such as free things, pool or bubble hockey, karaoke or the like (LIKE TRIVIA)? (Please list cool features)

7) Is it in Ft. Collins? (Please list the location)

8) Does the bar have strippers? ( Please list the stage names of the strippers) (not really) (really) (no) (yes) (...)

9) Is the bar open at 4:30ish?

10) If we go to the bar you chose will you show up to FAC?

Okay that wasn't too hard was it?

Here are some things that are difficult;

Words:

-- Vocab test...reply with your score for bragging rights!

Driving:

www.micom.net/oops/ -- for more funny than you can handle.

Bear "I meant to do that!" Bonney

FAIL -- I mean FAC

2007-07-11T13:37:00.000-06:00

Well, it seems our society degrades further and further each day.

Insult of the year -- well, I am not sure I should even write it out, but here: d0uc#eb@g
Theme of the year: failure or more specifically FAIL
This theme is followed closely by DO NOT WANT and some other LOLCAT sayings such as OH NOES.

If this is confusing any of you, please feel free to ignore this all and dodge the internets for the next 10 years in an effort to avoid it. It will damage you for sure. Not as much as ratemypoo, but damage it will. (DO NOT go to ratemypoo at work, mmkay? vomit is hard to remove from cube walls.)

Okay, okay, I know that was totally unfair to bait y'all like that.

(But I dare you to google the words "rate my". HAHAHAHAH. God bless you internets!)

So for this weeks FAC we will explore some failure and some success!

Failure to thrive = Starlight (R.I.P)
If you all remember the Starlight and what a fun place it was when a lot of people I knew worked there, hooray! If you don't then you are not missing much, to tell the truth. The bathrooms were the WORST, yes worse than the Surfside, I kid you not. Some of you may know that the Starlight(lite?) is now called Hodi's Half Note, which is an idiotic name I think. BUT it turns out that on Fridays from 5 to 8 they have a happy hour of grand proportions -- 2.00 domestics, 2.00 local micros, and 2.50 wells, plus some sort of gross shot for only 3.00! Huzzah! Success!

After the deployment of BSE on VSLS I am sure there will be numerous more failures and hopefully some successes to report. Let's plan on getting to Hodi's around 5 ( I may be at the Surfside before then because I will reach my Tour of Duty no later then 10 am on Friday, so WHOO! short day for me) (HA HA.)

If anyone even knows what this costume is supposed to be, tell me:

Bear "I was really hoping to get a mobile version of Vista on the iPhone" Bonney

ETA: HODI'S FAIL, they were not even open. I hate that place.

PatrioFAC

2007-07-05T08:41:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone who is not on vacation right now!

I took the early part of the week off so I could drive to Wyoming and stock my arsenal with the most deadly fireworks known to human kind.
I am kidding. I never buy fireworks. One time a Black Cat exploded in my hand and it hurts to this day, as do all the long thin blisters I have from stepping on sparkler wires in my youth. Rememeber how they would melt to your skin? Oh the times. But even those I do not directly interact with are a menace. Little did I know that the fireworks would actually come to get me.
Casper had, on July 3rd, what they claimed was "the Nation's Largest Fireworks Finale" with the "largest, legal firework shell in the United States". Closer examination of the poorly written article tells us that it is actually the largest MINOR LEAGUE Fireworks Finale. And the mysterious "undisclosed location" where they staged the massive explosion was less than a home run from a crowded playground and 100 yards from both a bike path and another ball field.

http://web.minorleaguebaseball.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20070630&content_id=268301&vkey=pr_t539&fext=.jsp&sid=t539

The biggest problem was that the "largest, legal firework shell in the United States" did not rise the anticipated "1200 to 1500 feet in the sky." Not even close. I would be surprised if it hit the 300 foot mark before it wholloped the eyes and ears of adults, ball players, children, and area skunks with it's atomic blast. Seriously, it barely cleared the treeline and I am sure the spread of 150 feet was not reached due to interference by LAND. If I am stumbling it is because I am still healing from the retinal burns. No, this glow was not caused by a sunburn, I was scorched by patriotism gone awry.

Actually it was the first firework explosion that scared the stink out of the skunk, but I am sure he tried to drown himself in the North Platte after the Grande Finale.

So, FAC for all of you who wish to participate!

Well I am attempting to make my mark as a Master Quizmaster, so I am limited in time. SURFSIDE IT IS again!
Yay for Surfside! Yay for free internets! Yay for cheap!
I wanted to go to the Lyric Cinema Cafe for a delicious beer and a movie, but the movie I want to see starts at 3:00 or 8:30 -- bummer.
But I highly encourage all of you who do not aspire to trivia legend to go to this movie on Friday at 8:30!

Movie site:

http://www.chalkthefilm.com/

Lyric Cinema Cafe:

http://www.lyriccinemacafe.com/

Fireworks over Goat Island which divides NIAGARA FALLS in two:

Fireworks behind the National Phallus:

Just don't:

Tell on your neighbor. If the cops don't come, perhaps mention they may be illegal immigrants...

Even today they haunt me...

I called them "the Devil's whiskers":

These are way more my speed:

Hooray! Independence Day! Don't blow your hands off!

Bear "OOOOH. AAAHH. Neat. Pretty." Bonney

FAC-tas-TICK!

2007-06-28T08:30:00.000-06:00

Wow can you believe it is almost Independence Day!?
Here is summer safety advice:

TICK WARNING!
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it
myself a couple times unintentionally. ..but this one is real, and it's
important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.
If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks
due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance
around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!!

They only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid

Times flies when you are having this much fun. Lately, as I am sure you all know, I have been spending a lot of my free time playing trivia. Well the constant winning has really worn me out so I thought I would switch gears and actually HOST the trivia!

So for this FAC we will be going to Pueblo Viejo (SW corner of College and LaPorte in Old Town) for the pre-quiz sustenance. They are no Rio, but they have good, reasonably priced food, and some pretty decent margs. PV at 4:30ish, then post-prandial play will commence at Choice City Shots (124 LaPorte) at 8PM! I will be hosting the trivia along with a good friend of mine, so you will not have to compete with my eerily clever brain. Prizes include free drinks, tshirts, and other things! Plus bragging rights!

You will never beat this guy, but he will not be at our quiz.

Craptastical picture of the Legion Of Doom winning at Coopersmith's -- note the belt!

I have no idea what this is about but I love a fat kitteh.

Bear "That is *not* a mole!" Bonney

You can't touch this FAC

2007-06-19T17:08:00.000-06:00

A middle school in Fairfax County, Virginia has banned touching. Any touching. Now I could go the rest of my life without seeing two 13 yr old kids sucking face around their braces, but how will they play football? No wrestling? Even basketball? I guess those sports are usually found in higher grades, but really? No high fives? No bonding expressed through ass-patting after a great job on the field of competition? No putting those little braids in each other's hair? NO HAND CLAPPING GAMES!? What if you accidentally touch skin to skin passing a baton in a relay race? Disqualified?

This is why I want to be a Libertarian. Too many rules and laws are made in haste and leave common sense and responsibility out of the picture. The truth is the school is horribly over crowded. Read a study on crowding and the affect it has on the human psyche. Of course they are getting in a lot of fights -- they are like too many chickens in a hot henhouse, pecking each others feathers out of sheer frustration. Actually I guess it is a good solution, because the more crowded it gets, the more likely they will touch, the more will get suspended, the fewer are in the halls and classrooms. Yeah, right.

Anyway, FAC is going to be a good one!
I cannot guarantee whether you will or will not be touched. I can guarantee a cold beer, some trivia, and pool, darts, and air hockey.
We are going to Sliders!
This week we are going to the far back room in the hope that it will be empty and we can take over all the good games. If you can't find us just ask where the air hockey is....

4:30 ish this Friday, and in honor of no-touch we will be looking at the detritus of the humans collected for us by Davy Rothbart in his splendid magazine called "FOUND". We will also be viewing "Dirty FOUND", a testament to how much people like to be touched, looked at, or at least talked to.

Wikipedia's disambiguation of "touch":

Somatosensory system, for the various sensory receptors that trigger the experiences labelled as touch or pressure
Haptics, for the study of human touching behaviour

Touch (60s band), a rock group
Touch (band), a 70s rock band
Touch (album), a 1983 album by New Wave duo Eurythmics
Touch (1987 album), a 1987 album by Laura Branigan
Touch (Sarah McLachlan album), the 1988 debut album of Sarah McLachlan
Touch (song), a single by Canadian rock band The Tea Party
Touch (Amerie album), a 2005 album by R&B singer Amerie
Touch (Amerie song), a 2005 single by R&B singer Amerie
Touch (Omarion song), a song by singer Omarion
Touch (Supremes album), a 1971 album by Motown group The Supremes
Touch Music or Touch Records, an electronic music record label, the main branch of the Touch company (UK)
Touch FM, a group of commercial radio stations in the UK
Touch (Noiseworks album), a 1988 album by Australian hard rock band Noiseworks
Touch (Mike Anthony song), a song heard from Noah's Arc

In fiction:
Touch (manga), a 1980s Japanese manga and anime series
Touch (novel), a 1987 novel by Elmore Leonard
Touch (film), a film by Paul Schrader, after the novel by Elmore Leonard
In sports:
Touch-line, the line on either side of the playing area of some football games
Touch (rugby), the area outside the 2 touch-lines in rugby
Touch judge, an official who monitors the touch-line in a game of Rugby football
Touch football (rugby league), commonly known as "touch"

Other:
touch (Unix), a classic computer program on Unix and Unix-like operating systems
The Touch River, a river of southwestern France that flows into the Garonne River

Bear" Keep your laws off my haptics" Bonney

Techno Claim post

2007-06-14T15:18:00.001-06:00

Technorati Profile

An average day at the end of the world....

2007-06-13T16:32:00.000-06:00

It wasn’t as humid this morning, and that I was thankful for because the stench of the sewer treatment plant was much stronger than usual. After a frantic search for Bridget’s keys she left, and I got in the shower. I was so tired and I stood under the water much longer than usual and realized in a jolt I was going to be late.

I scrambled around, got the dogs settled, and checked on the kid (fast asleep like 13 yr old boys often are) before blazing out the door. I lit up a Camel immediately and thought how glad I would be when we finally moved farther than two blocks from the “poop factory” as my friend Sascha called it.

Work was “same shit, different day” for the morning. There was a strong smell of air freshener on my floor, like that orange scented crap. It was making my nose itch and tingle worse than the ‘poo gas’. I cannot stand how sneezy I am at work!

About half the people who were supposed to show up for the morning meeting were gone. Poorly attended meetings are typical the later it gets in the week, and overlapping projects have caused a lot of fractured collaborations. It was all I could do to stay awake.

I sat in the first floor break room at lunch time waiting for Stella, who went to McDonald’s to pick up her lunch. I was heating my frozen burrito a big security guard was using the other microwave for something foul smelling. His walkie-talkie barked something about a “*skkktch* with a backpack *skkktch* on his way” and he walked quickly toward the lobby.

I saw him through the floor to ceiling windows that are ½ of the break room. He strode to the parking lot and intercepted a kid on a bicycle wearing a back pack. He was checking the kid’s id, talking to him, it all seemed pretty calm. The Homeland Security Explorer rolled up way too fast, and the officer hopped out. Security deferred to him and walked back toward the building, while the officer searched the boy’s bag.

As I am texting this item to everyone I know, I am thinking to myself “How typically over reactive of them. Some kid bikes through the lot and they freak?” Security guard returns.

“So what is up with that kid?” I ask lightly.

“He was taking pictures of the building. We just wanted to talk to him about why he was doing that. He has a college id; just some college kid.” He shrugged and got his food out of the microwave.

I pondered this as I ate, thinking how funny it is that taking pictures of a building can be construed as an act of hostility toward the Federal Government. Stella does not show up, so I assume she is running errands and go back to my desk.

I go out to smoke sometime later. I see Stella walking over the railroad tracks from the natural foods store. Wow, I think to myself, much better choice than drive-through fast food. She stumbles and I chuckle to myself, thinking up witty comments to rib her with.

I notice a guy walking toward her down the center of the tracks. He is having a hard time of it, but looks too clean to be a homeless drunk. Pretty stupid, too, walking down the middle of the tracks. Guess that expensive fence the city built to keep people off the track really paid off.

Stella stops to look at him and makes a very strange gesture, almost flopping her arm at him. I notice that her sleeve looks torn. I start to get concerned and walk toward them. Is this guy following her? Did he hurt her?

The drunk-acting dude lifts his head to look at her and then pivots his head to look at me. He is wearing some sort of weird glasses or something…..no, both his eyes are blackened, like perfect skull makeup. What the hell is happening here? She turns toward me too and she has a big gash on one side of her face, it is all I can see because of her hair flopped over the other side. I begin to run toward her, calling out.

“Get the fuck away from her you asshole! Stella, what the hell happened?”

As I get closer I see that her clothes are quite disheveled.

“Who did this? Were you raped? Let’s go inside, I am calling the cops.”

I dial 911 on my cell phone. I get nothing but a rapid beeping. I dial again, it begins to ring through. Stella is stumbling down the railroad burm to me. I walk forward to help her, and the phone just rings and rings. The drunk guy is coming down the bank, too, and his legs seem made of jelly.

“Are you deaf, douchebag? Get the fuck out of here!”

“911, what’s the nature of your emergency?” The male voice sounds tight and haggard.

“I think my friend was raped, send someone over here, the guy is still here and won’t quit following us!”

“Can I get your location, please?”

“We are on the railroad tracks behind the Hummingbird Plaza! Oh my god she is hurt really bad!”

At this moment Stella is very close to me, about two arms lengths away – I can see now that her injury is much worse than I thought, in fact I am retching and thinking “How can she be alive?” at the same time. Weird thoughts race through my head, about those mothers who lift cars off their children, and people who survived being lost in the desert, and about PCP making people immune to pain and how hard it is to kill a bear and…

She grabs my arm, pulling it toward her, to her face and I wrench away, squealing, “I know honey, I know you are hurt but I shouldn’t touch it, help is coming!” I realize I have lost my cell phone and I am struggling to get out of her strong grip, her finger skin feels as if it is sliding over her bones, and she smells so bad, reeks like the poo gas and the orange spray mixed together, and suddenly the drunk guy is there.

She whips her arm out at him, and her attention on me slacks enough for me to pull away. I scramble up the burm, not looking back, running when I hit the asphalt, running to the building, what the hell is up where are those Homeland Security guys NOW!?

FAC nostalgia

2007-06-11T17:07:00.000-06:00

HEEEEEEEEEEYYYY YOOOOOUUUUUUU GUUUUUYYYYYYYSSS!

Remember that? It was almost a "Where's the beef?" caliber catch -phrase.

Well I am sending out the call early to warn/alert/notify all of you that I will NOT be at FAC this week.
I have big plans in Denver that evening.

So I think that someone else needs to step up and plan the FAC!

Also everyone should look for the Coopersmith's blog on geekswhodrink.com and see the scores from our magnificent trivia win Sunday night.

Big ass Texas FAC ... or not.

2007-06-08T16:36:00.000-06:00

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!

That is what I heard at 1:00 this morning. Some crazy Texan (Not Durham or Dartez) was bellowing his fool head off behind my house. He went through about an hour of various curses, racial slurs, non-sequitors, and even told the guard dog at the storage place that it's mom was a drug addict. Or maybe he was talking to some other b*tch. I am certain he was alone until the po-po showed up (I called them after about 1/2 an hour). How do I know he was a Texan? Because he kept yelling "I am a Texas (racial slur)!" at the top of his voice. I did not go out to confirm if he really was the race he purported to be.

So I am really tired this fine Thursday morning.
Luckily, Trailhead 'Geeks Who Drink' Trivia went well and we won by a landslide (or is it by a sidekick?) After much cajoling, bribery, and promises we finally got on the quizmasters' good side.

Anyway, as you may know, some of our FAC friends are leaving the country because they are wanted by the authorities for bellowing at the top of their lungs behind my house.....hahahahah. Not really. Luke and Audrey Anna are going to Mexico! So they will be spending FAC on the beach and none of the rest of us are invited. Poo.

So all the rest of y'all (don't mess with Texas) should come out and have more fun than ever!!! Let's go out to OLD CHICAGO (in Olde Towne next to Drunken Monkey)!

We should try to meet before 6 so we can take advantage of the beer and snack specials...... I will be there a little before 5 -- like 4:30 or so! Maybe after we can stop in to the Drunken Monkey and pretend we are at the beach ourselves....or pretend to beach ourselves....

Now some of you may think that the Chicago theme is as far from Texas as you can get, but I think it is pretty Texan. I mean we know CHI-town likes things big:

Big water:

Big water with big ice:

Big art:

Big buildings:

Big pizza:

Big fire:

Also it used to be one of the biggest cow-towns in the US.

Let us rejoice in all that is the Windy City!

It's a 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes; it's dark and we're wearing sun glasses. Hit it!
- - - The Blues Brothers

Loving Chicago is like loving a woman with a broken nose.
- - - Nelson Algren

I am going to St. Petersburg, Florida, tomorrow. Let the worthy citizens of Chicago get their liquor the best they can. I'm sick of the job--it's a thankless one and full of grief. I've been spending the best years of my life as a public benefactor.
- - - Al Capone, 1927

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."
- - - Richard Jeni

Stay tuned for next weeks theme, which will be something fun we discussed at Surfside last week but I forgot. Sounds pretty cool, doesn't it?

Bear "And all that Jazz " Bonney

Pirate FAC

2007-05-30T16:34:00.000-06:00

WELL --

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End was very cool, both times I saw it. I know, I am a geek.

I made a new enemy this weekend, and it is all because a certain mayoral candidate does not know how to be a gracious winner.

FAC this week? Who is coming? Last week was very successful at the microbrew party, if you missed it you should feel sad.
This week I think we should go to:
BELIZE!
A country with no McDonalds and 700,000+ speakers of Mayan! You didn't even know people spoke a language called MAYAN! They also have some delicious rum, and cool things to do, like snorkel and lay around in the sun and eat fish (so essentially make like a sea lion).

Barring the actual delivery of me to Belize at 5:00pm on Friday, I will likely be at the good old Surfside for a little bit. AT 5:00 THIS WEEK.
I took too many days off so I have to be late. Of course get there at noon if you like, but I won't show til 5:00.

Bear "I have a Doctorate in Applied Richology" Bonney